Monday, July 28, 2008

An Ideal Husband



Maureen Dowd wrote a wonderful column in the Sunday, July 6, 2008, New York Times entitled "An Ideal Husband. See the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/06/opinion/06dowd.html?ex=1373083200&en=fbf7febd9931c3f7&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink I usually read her columns first when I start to read the New York Times. Women I discussed the article with said what she said was obvious. Men did not. She discussed a lecture given by Father Pat Connor entitled, "Whom Not to Marry."
She quotes some of this rules which I repeat here.
1. Never marry a man who has no friends.
2. Does he use money responsibly? He is he stingy?
3. Steer clear of someone whose life you can run, who never makes demands counter to yours.
4. Is he overly attached to his mother and her mythical apron strings?
5. Does he have a sense of humor?
6. The strong silent type can be charming but ultimately destructive.
7. Don’t marry a problem character thinking you will change him.
8. Take a good, unsentimental look at his family - you will learn a lot about him and his attitude toward women.
9. Are his goals and deepest belief’s worthy and similar to yours?
10. Does he possess those character traits that add up to a good human being - willingness to forgive, praise, be courteous?
Others like the column too and wrote some great letters to the editor on July 10. See them at http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/09/opinion/l09dowd.html?ex=1373342400&en=102e7802513dc05f&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
In particular I like the following letter by Susan Striker:
I am a twice-divorced woman, and after my second divorce I sat down and wrote a message to women, including these words of advice:
Never marry a man who yells at you in front of his friends.
Never marry a man who is more affectionate in public than in private.
Never marry a man who notices all of your faults but never notices his own.
Never marry a man whose first wife had to sue him for child support.
Never marry a man who corrects you in public.
Never marry a man who sends birthday cards to his ex-girlfriends.
Never marry a man who doesn’t treat his dog nicely.
Never marry a man who is rude to waiters.
Never marry a man who doesn’t love music.
Never marry a man whose plants are all dead.
Never marry a man your mother doesn’t like.
Never marry a man your children don’t like.
Never marry a man who hates his job.
Never marry a man who doesn’t give you lovely and romantic gifts for your birthday and Valentine’s Day.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/28/08

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Divorce Police

Clients often ask me how divorce agreements get enforced. I always tell them, there is no divorce police and unless one of them enforces the agreement, nothing happens.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/24/08

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Will Dad Ever Do His Share? - In the News

Achim Lippoth for The New York Times
Parenting is a big issue in divorce mediation. More and more couples are doing joint parenting. This is an issue in intact families as well. Lisa Belkin wrote and excellent article in the Sunday, June 15, 2008 New York Times Magazine section. See entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/15/magazine/15parenting-t.html?ex=1371268800&en=dd093a16387568a1&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/20/08

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Wonderful Wedding - Anniversary Waltz

The June 13, 2008 issue of Arizona Jewish Post, www.azjewishpost.com , had a great article about Wonderful Weddings which quotes couples as to what makes a good marriage. The following are some of the quotes:
"A great understanding of one another and respect are the keys to a successful marriage."
"A good sense of humor is the key to staying married.
"They have happily made it to their golden anniversary owing to the philosophy that each person should be prepared to give more than 50 percent."
"We just love each other."
"Respecting one another and growing together. You either grow together or you grow apart."
"The love turns into friendship, I enjoy being with her. She is my best friend."
There’s nothing left to fight over. We enjoy every day, and that’s what it’s all about."
"We respect each other and try to listen once in awhile instead of just talking."
"Our marital success also hinges on compromise."
"Having trust and caring for each other in sickness and health, during ups and downs in family life and enjoying each other at all times contributes to an enduring marriage."
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/16/08

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Best Divorce Mediators - Super Mediators - Master Mediators

Each year I get a publication listing the Best Attorneys. I have always been bothered that there is not a similar list for the Best Divorce Mediators. I have decided to do my own list and post the names on this blog below. I am asking Advance Practitioner Members of the Association for Conflict Resolution from a state to designate whom they feel are the Best Divorce Mediators in his or her state. If a person gets two designations, I will list them. I am open to suggestions for doing this a different way. It is a work in progress and I will keep adding names and states. Please post a comment with your designations or suggestions. As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/12/08
CONNECTICUT
Barbara Aaron - Hartford
Michael Becker - Westport
Fran Califore - Hartford, New Haven, and Norwalk
Roberta Friedman - New Haven
Mary Marcus*, Ph.D. - Norwalk
Walter Marcus** - Norwalk
Deborah Noonan*** - Norwalk
Barbara Stark - New Haven and Norwalk

* My wife but still one of the best!
** Nominated by someone else
*** Mentee and business associate but still one of the best!

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Divorce is a Luxury in a Bad Economy

Is divorce recession proof? In bad financial times, financial pressure contributed marriage breakup. In good financial times, couples felt more comfortable getting divorced. In a recent article in the June 8, 2008, Newark Star-Ledger, reporter Susan Todd discusses the issue. See the entire article at
http://www.nj.com/news/ledger/index.ssf?/base/news-13/1212899714115560.xml&coll=1
She says that "earlier this year, divorce moved into the not-right-now category usually reserved for things like expensive vacations." In particular the housing slump is creating a problem. Those couples who are getting divorced are coming up with new settlement solutions. More couples are deciding not to sell their houses or to delay finalizing the divorce. She quotes divorce mediator, Michael Grodjeski as saying, "(The couple) end up getting suck living together. It’s not easy, but don’t forget couples who come to mediation tend to be more amicable about their divorce...They can continue to live together, not happily maybe, but they are trying to make the best of things" Do you have any new solutions to these issues? As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/8/08

Friday, July 4, 2008

Should You Divorce Him?

I thought the following quiz, "Should You Divorce Him?", in LIfe Scripts, something you would find interesting

"To divorce or not to divorce... that is the question. According to the American Law and conomics Review, more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the U.S. are filed by women. Infidelity and ysical or verbal abuse are often the cause. However, other women simply feel like they're not getting the most out of their marriage. Are you one of them? Take this divorce quiz and find out."

http://www.lifescript.com/quiz/quiz.asp?bid=50316&cat=Divorce&trans=1&du=1&gclid=CJ6q-Ire55MCFSQtagodlxmEWQ&ef_id=1350:3:c_abe4695e3f660da21e1f4d5e1ac83f0d_646380545:4WYDUUNIYX0AAEZHMGkAAAAc:20080609155820

As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 7/4/08