Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Flying, Priority Standby, Divorce and Mediation


On a recent trip, we wanted to take an earlier fight because the airline had changed our flight and we were concerned that we might miss our connecting flight.  There were three other flights before our original flight.  We went to the airline counter and explained our situation to the airline’s representative.  She said there was no room on the flights but she could put us on “priority standby.”  Whoever heard of “priority standby?”  A little Google research indicates there are very complicated rules on how the airlines determine standby priority.  For example the following is Delta Airlines standby priorities

1. Confirmed first class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the first class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
2.  Confirmed first class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the first class cabin.
3. Confirmed business class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the business class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
4. Confirmed business class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the business class cabin.
5. Confirmed crew member or mechanic without a seat assignment.
6. Confirmed economy class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the economy class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner  or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
7. Confirmed economy class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the economy class cabin.
10. Confirmed passengers who is willing to give up his or her seat.
11. Diamond Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
12. Platinum Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
13. Gold Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
14. Silver Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
15. Non-elite SkyMiles member on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade – also alliance partner upgrade.
16. Paid standby upgrades.
17. Death / emergency.18. Inconvenienced or mishandled by Delta, Medallion status passengers.19. Inconvenienced or mishandled by Delta, all other passengers.20. Inconvenienced or mishandled by another airline who paid Delta the full Y fare.
21. Confirmed passengers desiring a same-day flight change.
22. Airline employees, Buddy Pass travelers, etc.
General rules when all else is equal (> = have priority over) :
– SkyMiles members > non-SkyMiles members
– Medallion members > non-elite members in this order: Delta 360, DM, PM, GM, MM, FO (with the last two perhaps switching order in some instances)
– Full-fare passengers (F,J,Y,B) > discount fare passengers (all other fares, more or less)
– Order of booking class priority:
– – First class: F, P, A, G
– – Business class: J, C, D, I, Z
– – Premium economy: W
– – Economy: Y, B, M, S, H, Q, K, L, U, T, X, V (E is not eligible)
– – Award travel: R, O, N
– IRROPS passengers on connecting legs > IRROPS passengers on first leg of trip
– Older timestamps > newer timestamps (refers to time and date of ticketing, either original or re-issue).
– Booking class E is not eligible for standby
– Rebooked tickets are issued in the same fare class as the original ticket (if you move up to fare class Y on the rebooked ticket, you got lucky)

Not sure which of the categories we fit in or if we were just lucky but we were initially numbers 2 and 3 on the list and eventually numbers 1 and 2. We did not get on the first two flights and were about to give up when we got on the third flight.  Three other observations.  When they got to the last boarding groups before we received standby, the passengers were told they would have to check their carryon bags at no cost.  We did not want to do this because we thought our luggage would get lost.  I asked if we could bring our carryon luggage on the plane and they said of course and there was room for our luggage in the overhead bins. Lots of passengers get to the gate minutes before the flight takes off.  A little unrelated but people still will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to stuff there oversized luggage in the overhead bin while they are blocking other passengers from getting to their seats and are delaying the flight.  So what does all of this have to do with divorce and mediation?  Just some life lessons and things you should think about in mediation and divorce.  Never hurts to ask.  Rules are not always flowed or maybe flexible.  Sometimes you are lucky.  Do your actions affect others?
   
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (299) 12/15/15


Monday, November 30, 2015

Halloween, Divorce, and Mediation


Holiday time is always difficult in divorce cases with children.  Parents must somehow share the holiday.  I will always remember a case where Halloween was the most important holiday for the Father. He spent hours getting ready and was willing to give up many things in the divorce so he could have Halloween with his child.  Some people may think trick or treat is a good divorce or mediation strategy. For others divorcing, it may be a time to let off steam or become someone else.  In the long run this may make the divorce process less stressful and easier.  For reasons I don’t understand, many people get dressed up as a celebrity couple who are divorcing.  I found the greeting card amusing that said, “I think by ex-huband’s girlfriend is so awesome so I dressed my kids like her for Halloween this year.” With a picture of a witch riding a broom.If for no other reason, you can go trick or treating, get lots of candy and have a chocolate fix! 

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (298) 11/30/15


Thursday, October 1, 2015

Pope Francis and Annulments


 
The New York Times recently reported that Pope Francis Pope has announced measures to simplify marriage annulments.  http://nyti.ms/1M7YuWQ   The New York Times say, “(t)he new rules take effect on Dec. 8 and are expected to speed up cases in which neither spouse is contesting the annulment. These fast-track cases can be heard as soon as 30 days after a couple files an application, and at most within 45 days. The new procedures also eliminate one of the two church trials that are required of all couples seeking an annulment, a process that can drag on for years, at great cost.”  We discussed annulment with Father John Lyons on Divorce TV.  See https://youtu.be/zERhzWiyQn4   The procedure seemed very cumbersome and this should be a big improvement.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (297) 10/1/15

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Yogi Berra, Divorce and Mediation



The Yankees are in first place in the American League East.  It reminds me of the Yankees of my youth.  I know more players names from those days than now.  Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford, Don Larsen, Phil Rizzuto, and of course Yogi Berra.
He is known more today, however, for his “yogi-isms” – a word that has been commonly used to describe the many humorous quotations for which he is responsible.
Here are some well-known examples:

1.“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”2.“It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”3.“It’s like deja vu all over again.”4.“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”5.“You can observe a lot just by watching.”6.“We made too many wrong mistakes.”7.“I really didn’t say everything I said.”8.“Ninety percent of this game is half mental.”9.“The future ain’t what it used to be.”10.“If you don’t know where you’re going, you will wind up somewhere else.”11.“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”12.“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”
Many of these apply to divorce and mediation.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (296) 9/15/15



Monday, August 31, 2015

Simpsons and Mediation

    We were surprised recently to hear that Homer and Marge Simpson are getting legally separated. It’s been announced that in the first episode of the 27th Simpsons series, Homer will fall in love with a pharmacist played by Lena Dunham, and that’ll be the end of their marriage. My first reaction was why legal separation. Our experience has been that  often couples are afraid to say they are getting divorced and are more comfortable saying they are getting legally separated. During the mediation, as they become more comfortable acknowledging feelings and needs, they frequently decide that they actually wish to divorce. There are couples for whom legal separation is the preferred alternative such as those for whom their religion precludes divorce and those whose health situation makes staying on their spouse's insurance beneficial and if they are legally separated as opposed to divorced, they will be allowed to stay on the same insurance plan. 
    A second reaction was, will they mediate their legal separation and who should do the voice of the mediator? We always like James Earl Jones even if he was Darth Vader. Or perhaps Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn who played wacky mediators in "Wedding Crashers." If they mediate there is a higher likelihood that Homer and Marge may get back together!
    As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (295) 8/31/15



Saturday, August 15, 2015

Hamilton and Divorce


Choosing a divorce lawyer can be difficult, but what was Maria Reynolds thinking when she chose her lover, Alexander Hamilton's arch rival, Aaron Burr to advise her? Didn't turn out too well for Alexander Hamilton either who was later killed by Burr in a duel.
Why this talk about people who lived in the late 18th century? Just saw the new Broadway musical "Hamilton" which is absolutely terrific. It's great whether you like hip hop or not!

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/13/nyregion/actresses-in-hamilton-take-a-trip-to-a-family-home-for-a-history-lesson.html?_r=0
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (294) 8/15/15

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Season to Divorce and Mediation


 
Yesterday as I went to check my email, I noticed that on my Comcast homepage "divorce attorneys" was again trending. I started to wonder whether there is a season to divorce. Do many unhappy people in the same week for some reason decide to explore options to end their marriage? I've noticed the trending before and it also reflects itself in calls to our office for mediation. Despite having seen bunching in calls for the over 20 years I've been mediating, I've never been able to identify a consistent pattern. It used to be that on January 2, calls would come in from people who didn't want to disrupt family holidays by calling in November, but in the past few years, I've noticed more calls in March than January. Another bunching occurs in the summer. Is it because children are off to camp and parents can focus on themselves?

 Another question I asked myself when I saw "divorce attorneys" trending was how was this even possible given the huge percentage of people representing themselves in divorce cases. In an article in an American Bar Association journal, the author stated that judges in Arizona in 2005 estimated that over 80% of cases involved one self-represented party. This same trend is occurring all over the country.

 Most of the couples I work with in mediation are self-represented so, with the trend toward self-representation, I wonder how soon it will be before "mediation" is trending

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (293) 7/30/15

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Golden Retriever Mediation


I use to love to have our golden retriever, Molly, sit under the table when I mediated. She instantly detected any increase in the level of anger and but more often than not she had a calming effect on the couple. I was excited to see the YouTube video my daughter just sent me of a golden retriever mediating a ball fight. See it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM6Es8yX8ak
Too bad I can't use this effective technique but as my partner said after seeing the video, “we need a second part showing how the golden resolves the impasse.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (292) 7/15/15

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Pythagorean Divorce



The Pythagorean theorem is a relation in Euclidean geometry among the three sides of a right triangle. It states that the square of the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle) is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

Divorcing couples always say they would like some formula to resolve their divorce but are not always happy when one is applied. Here is one amusing possibility for determining the total worth. 


A divorce settlement is often a right triangle where the couples combined worth is the hypotenuse and the separated worth area the other two sides. Unfortunately there is usually a 30% differential between the two sides and the hypotenuse because it costs more to live separately than together. Pythagorean Divorce formula would be the hypotenuse is 30% more than the sum of the other two sides.


As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (291) 6/30/15

Monday, June 15, 2015

NON-ADVERSARIAL DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

 

For years mediators in Connecticut have advocated non-adversarial dissolution of marriage. I was pleased to learn that the Connecticut General Assembly recently passed Senate Bill 1029 which according to the Office of Legislative Research bill analysis:

“creates a new expedited court process that allows a judge to enter a divorce decree without a hearing for certain nonadversarial divorce actions. Among other things, it:
1. allows parties to file a joint petition to begin the process if, among other things, at least one party is a Connecticut resident, the marriage duration is no more than eight years, the parties have no children or real property, and the total combined net fair market value of all property owned by either party is less than $35,000;
2. requires the joint petition be accompanied by certain documents, including financial affidavits and waiver of any right to a trial, alimony, spousal support, or an appeal;
3. allows a settlement agreement to be incorporated in the divorce decree if the court finds it to be fair and equitable;
The bill also allows parties to a divorce or legal separation action that are on the Superior Court's regular family docket to waive existing law's waiting periods for such actions if the parties have an agreement, make certain attestations, and request such waiver.”
It is a good start and in particular I like the idea of joint petition so there does not have to be a plaintiff and defendant. This should extend to all divorces. I have mixed feelings about waiving the 90 days waiting. Often the couple needs some time for the dust to settle. Making the decision joint may avoid problems.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (290) 6/15/15



Monday, June 1, 2015

Mediation Dictionary

 
Surfing the Web I came across the Mediation Dictionary by Nancy Peterson, M. Med. Link at http://www.mediationdictionary.com/pdf/mediationdictionary.pdf It is a wonderful compilation of mediation terms and I highly recommend it.As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (289) 6/1/15

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Mediation and Latin

 
Years ago, boys and girls who wanted to be lawyers were told it would be helpful to take Latin. I took two years of Latin but it did not help too much. However, I do like the Latin phrases like res ispa loquitur – the thing speaks for itself. We don’t even always realize that some words are Latin like prima facie - at first sight. I have discovered some new phrases which apply to mediation. Inadimplenti non est adimplendum – one has not need to respect his obligation if the counter-party has not respected his own. Slove et repete – respect your obligation first, then you can ask for reimbursement.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (288) 5/14/15

Friday, May 1, 2015

Mediation with the Tucson Alphabet


 

 
 
Tucson icons spell Mediation!

Modern Street Car

El Tour de Tucson

Davis-Monthan Air Force Base

I
-10

A Mountain

Titan Missile Museum

Indian Arts Festival

Ocotillo

Native Americans

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (287) 5/1/15


Friday, April 17, 2015

Pirkei Avot, Saying of the Fathers, Divorce, and Mediation



I have not been inspired to write a blog for a while but feel the necessity. I thought about how Sun Tzu’s Art of War applies to divorce and mediation but Joe Epstein and Eileen Siskel have already done a wonderful job on that topic. See http://www.mediate.com/articles/epstein1.cfm

I looked at my bookshelf and saw discussed Pirkei Avot or Sayings of the Fathers. It reminded how as a high school student I participated in a study group which discussed Pirkei Avot, a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims of the Rabbis of the Mishnaic period. The pages of the book are browning and delicate but it still has special meaning to me.

So what does Pirkei Avot have to say about divorce? It does not say anything directly but it does say a lot about how people should face life in general and life events like divorce.

One of my favorite’s quotes is the first one. “Be deliberate in judgment…and make a fence around the Torah.” (1:1) The first part means you should be moderate and avoid anger, impatience and stubbornness in dealing with you soon to be ex-spouse. The fence quote is less obvious. It means have cautionary rules which act like a danger signal and prevent you from the wrong thing.

Other quotes are also inspiring. “The more charity, the more peace.” (2:8) and "Meet every person with graciousness." (1:15) If you give your spouse more and treat them right, you will have more peace.
“Judge every person favorably.” (1:6) Too often in a divorce case one spouse demonizes the other spouse. It is often better to start with a clean slate and give the person the benefit of the doubt.
“Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his place.” (2:5) I often ask a client if he or she would like to take the offer he or she made to his or her spouse. It gives them a chance to stand in the other person’s place.
“The more flesh, the more worms. The more possessions, the more worry. The more wives, the more witchcraft. The more maidservants, the more uncouthness. The more servants, the more theft.” (2:8) Too often I have seen a party get all they want in a divorce and be very unhappy.

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself what am I? And if not now, when?” (1:14) This quote by Hillel is probably the best known quote from Sayings of the Fathers. To me it means that a person must balance his or her own self-interest with the interest of others and you should not be indecisive for no reason.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com CDM (286) 4/17/15