Friday, September 18, 2009

Spending, Marriage and Divorce

I have always been fascinated in handling divorces when I discover the couples have very separate finances. I use to think this was an indicator that the couples would get divorced. This is not always good logic. It may be that I did not see marriages where the couple had separate finances and stayed together. I was reminded of this when I read an article in the August 16, 2009 New York Times by Catherine Rampell entitled, "I Say Spend. You Say No. We’re in Love." See the entire article at She says that "Despite the old saying "opposites attract," scholars have found that in almost every way imaginable, people tend to choose mates who look, sound and act as they do. But in the area perhaps most fraught with potential conflict — money — somehow, some way, people gravitate toward their polar opposite, a new study says."
She goes on to ask, "Why do people seek out their opposites in spending attitudes? Most likely, what we hate in ourselves, we also hate in other people...."I can see how this might be one of those kinds of seductive differences in the early stages of courtship," said Stephanie Coontz, a professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and research director for the Council on Contemporary Families. "Maybe you say to yourself, ‘This guy makes me feel so free,’ or ‘This gal reins me in.’ "
She rightly states that this is unfortunate because spending decisions are a common source of marital conflict and a major contributor to divorce.
What does all this mean? For me it is another good reason to do premarital counseling.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at WM 9/18/09

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Relationships are quite complicated one has to face when in trouble, but it's also not as bad as one would be led to believe in it.Just try to brush away all those misunderstandings and believe in the fact of making-up that relationship all you have to do is to start knowing what really went wrong and what made two humans who loved each other in depth to part their ways, is it because of money
mis-management or something else . You can always find the answer here.

Money and Marriage