Divorce Ritual

When a couple gets married there is a tremendous amount of ritual. There is much less ritual when the couple gets divorced. When we mediate, I encourage the couple to both come to my office to sign the documents and both go to court so that there is some ritual. During my initial training as a divorce mediator, the trainers suggested that the couples toast each other when the documents were signed. I went out and bought special champagne glasses and champagne but no matter how well the mediation went, I never had a couple who wanted to toast each other. This is not to say there is not a place for ritual in divorce. I know of women who melt down their wedding ring, mix it with other old jewelry and make new jewelry from it. I was in a store recently and saw a section next to the anniversary cards of divorce announcement cards. A few years ago I attended the annual meeting of the International Association for Collaborative Practice in Boston. One of the workshops I participated in was Changing the Culture of Divorce: A Training in the Use of Healing Rituals. As part of the workshop, a movie about a divorce ceremony was shown. The ceremony was both strange and moving. See more in article at page 16 of the Winter 2004, vol. 2 no. 2, Collaborative Law Journal at http://www.massclc.org/pdf/cljwinter2004.pdf. I am not sure such a ceremony is for everyone but couples who are having trouble with closure or other issues should consider it. . As always, you can post a comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 4/11/08