Divorces Are Down, Both Nationally and Locally

I always scan the newspaper for divorce stories. I have been wondering how the economy as effected the divorce rate. I was pleasantly surprised to see a story on the front page of the Arizona Star on December 4, 2008 by Gabriela Rico entitled, "Divorces Are Down, Both Nationally and Locally" See full story at
http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/270077.php Ms. Rico says, "In these scary economic times, couples seem to be sticking to the "for worse" part of their marriage vows and deciding their differences may not be so unreconcilable after all.
Nationwide, divorce filings are down and Pima County appears to be following the trend.
From January through November last year, 4,338 couples filed a petition for marriage dissolution in Pima County Superior Court. That number dropped to 4,261 for the same time this year.
In November alone, divorce petitions in Pima County dropped to 295 compared to 349 in November 2007, according to Pima County Clerk of the Court records."
She goes on to say, "many couples are signing up for mediation or counseling instead of rushing to divorce court. Pima County Superior Court offers mediation to couples who have filed for divorce, and requests for those sessions are also up, said Ford Nicholson, clinical services supervisor with The Family Center, which is part of the court's Family Law division. From January to October 2007, the program received 86 petitions for mediation. During the same time this year, 107 petitions have been received. ‘The focus is to help people try to work on their marriage,’ Nicholson said."
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. WM 12/29/08

How to Divorce and Not Wreck the Kids

One of the interesting things about the internet is how a community is formed. Everyone is reaching out to contact and yes promote their ideas and projects. I participate in this process and after screening the emails try to "spread the word" about material I think is helpful. I recently received an email from Suzannah of Bountiful Films about their documentary that will be Thursday January 8th, 9pm on CBC's (Canadian Television) Doc Zone, How to Divorce & Not Wreck the Kids. Suzannah emailed me that the show, "follows three couples who actually divorce on camera, giving viewers unprecedented access to an intensely private process. We at Bountiful Films intend to show Canadians that despite being overwhelmed by anger and grief, couples can make clear and powerful choices. They can purposefully choose options designed to diminish conflict that make it possible to still function together as parents Watch as they end their marriages utilizing three such options: collaborative divorce, mediation and a do-it-yourself kit."
She goes on to review the film synopsis: "The end of a marriage doesn't have to be the end of a family. Parents contemplating divorce are barraged with "divorce from hell" stories – the kind that leave children scarred for life. But there is another reality. Grass roots Canadians are at the heart of a quiet revolution – couples working on "good" divorces, which acknowledge that the end of a marriage isn't the end of a family. How to Divorce & Not Wreck the Kids takes viewers directly into the heart of one of the most emotionally devastating life transitions, as three courageous Canadian couples determined to keep the needs of their children front and centre, separate on camera. Roland and Carolye use a do-it-yourself divorce kit. Mike an d Melissa work with a mediator. And Lionel and Sally use a new and controversial process called collaborative divorce. How to Divorce & Not Wreck the Kids delivers the latest compelling evidence to convince separating parents to keep conflict away from their kids."
You can get more information about Bountiful Films or view the trailer their web site at http://bountiful.ca or at http://www.youtube.com/user/BountifulFilms or embedded below:



As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. WM 12/22/08

Virtual Divorce Next?

An AP story on November 15, 2008, entitled "Husband’s Virtual Affairs Push Real-Life Wife to Seek Divorce" caught my eye. See the entire story at either
http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/267323.php or
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081114/ap_on_fe_st/eu_britain_virtual_affair
The article states that "a virtual affair is ending a real-life marriage in southwest England.
Amy Taylor filed for divorce when she discovered her husband cheating in Second Life — an online community where players adopt personas called avatars, mingle with others and teleport themselves into a series of artificial worlds. ‘I caught him cuddling a woman on a sofa in the game,’ Taylor told the South West News Service press agency. ‘It looked really affectionate. He confessed he'd been talking to this woman player in America for one or two weeks, and said our marriage was over and he didn't love me any more.’"
The article goes on to say that "the online drama shows how emotionally invested some people have become in their virtual identities, said Ellen Helsper, a researcher at the Oxford Internet Institute who has studied the impact of the Web on relationships. ‘For a while there was this impression that as long as it's online, it doesn't matter. But research has shown it's not a separate world,’ she said, adding that infidelity was ‘just as painful, whether it's electronic or physical.’"
The distraction of the internet and internet relationships have long been a cause of divorce but this is a new angle. There are already many web sites that allow a person to complete divorce documents online. Perhaps the next step is for people to experience a virtual divorce online to see if a real divorce is appropriate for them. Time will tell!
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM 12/15/08

Obama’s Family and Audacity of Hope

I thought it was important to read "Audacity of Hope" by Barack Obama to better understand what he thinks and stands for. He is an excellent writer. He writes like he speaks. Although the book was a few years old, it is consistent with what he said during the campaign. I like seeing a movie about a book before I read the book. I find I am less disappointed and the book fills in the blanks. "Audacity of Hope" was the same for me. He had one of the best description and analysis of the history of American foreign policy I have ever read. What I was not expecting but should have was his discussion about family. He wrote about not just the American family but his family. The opposition tried to portray Obama as elite and not a typical American. In fact he is very typical of a father and husband in an intact family. Many of you will recognize yourself. His discussion of his daughter’s birthday party, brought back many memories for me. I was going to quote some of what he said but when I tried, I found I could not do it justice. Get the book and read the chapter on Family. It is worth it. It is worth quoting some of what he said about family.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 12/8/08

Marriage, Divorce, and Mediation in China

We recently went on the Tucson Chamber of Commerce trip to China. It was wonderful! I loved walking on the Great Wall, feeling the vitality of the Shanghai, the exotic quality of the Forbidden City, and the warmth of the people. I realized that in China my nonverbal communication skills were better than my verbal skills. As always I was curious about marriage and divorce and asked our young guide about marriage and divorce in China. The wedding dresses are red and not white. Although that is changing. There is no formal wedding ceremony but a big meal. What surprised me the most was when she said there was mandatory mediation before a couple could get divorced. I googled divorce in China and found the following interesting article Divorce in the People's Republic of China: Analysis of a new law Journal Contemporary Family Therapy by John W. Engel. See article at : http://www.springerlink.com/content/p15q386333r2768q/
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 12/1/08

My Attorney Bernie

One of my favorite attorney songs is My Attorney Bernie by Dave Frishberg. You can hear it on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5GUZmUaGOA

Other cute versions are at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg3-ItF_t3k

or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO-OWUwDLlg or watch directly at

Lyrics go like this:

I'm impressed with my attorney Bernie I'm impressed with his influential friends He's got very big connectionsand I follow his directionsBernie knows his way aroundand so I always do what Bernie recommendsI am blessed with my attorney Bernie I'm impressed with the way he runs the storeHe's got Dodger season boxesand an office full of foxesIt's amazing all the different thingsyour average guy might need a lawyer forchorus: Bernie tells me what to doBernie always lays it on the line Bernie says we sue, we sue Bernie says we sign.. we sign I'm in touch with my attorney BernieIn a clutch he can speed right to the scene and if I'm locked up in the jailwith just one phone call for my bail He said to call his club collector deal directly with his answering machineWhen I dine with my attorney Bernie He buys wine from the rare imported rack That's 'cause Bernie is a purist Not your polyester touristBernie waves the glass around awhile then takes a sip and always sends it back(chorus) I admire my attorney Bernie I admire any guy who knows his stuff Sure we blew a couple ventures with a counterfeit debenture But you win a few, you lose a fewand like Bernie says, you keep on hanging tough Thanks to you my attorney Bernie Thanks to you I'm considered well to do Sure I made out like a bandit Just exactly like you planned it But like Murray my accountanttold me yesterday, I owe it all to you(chorus) On the dotted line!

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 11/24/08

Alec Baldwin

30 Rock with Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin is one of my favorite television shows. I had read about his comment about his daughter on the answering machine and have read many articles about a husband or wife’s dissatisfaction with the adversary or traditional divorce process. I always ask myself if they would have had the same feelings if they had used mediation. Mediation is a more confidential process and we rarely see news stories about mediated divorce but back to Alec Baldwin. Baldwin has written a book entitled A promise to Ourselves, A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce which was reviewed by Jennifer A. Kingson in the October 13, 2008, New York Times. See entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/14/books/14king.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Kingston says, " Survivors of a gory divorce think their stories are the worst of all, and the actor Alec Baldwin is no exception. He may have a bit of a leg to stand on - though Christie Brinkley deserves at least honorable mention - if only for the ugly public spectacle of his custody battle with the actress Kim Basinger.
Kingston goes on to say, "Mr. Baldwin gives poignant expression to the shortcomings of the law in deciding matters of the heart. For the bitter-with-baggage fathers whom he intends as his readers, he dispenses some advice (get a prenup), but the primary value of the book comes from his deeply felt observations about living through a divorce. ‘When someone is sick, our society usually offers some means of care," Mr. Baldwin observes. "When illness afflicts a marriage, however, the professionals who arrive on the scene often are there to prolong the bleeding, not to stop it.’"
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 11/17/08