Divorce and Basic Training

It has been 40 years since I did my basic training at Fort Bragg. I learned many life lessons. Some good some bad. One that I remember is cleaning the barracks each morning. There was a reward if you your platoon did the best job cleaning. The reward was usually being the first platoon when marching so we did not have to eat dust or experience an accordion effect. I remember Gregg Machado polishing the fire extinguisher until it gleamed or trying to control the floor buffer. Very often no matter what we did, we did not win. I am not sure how we found out but we did learn the trick to winning. The drill sergeants would take a grease pencil and put marks in the barracks. If you found and removed the mark you won. If you did not find the mark, no matter how well you cleaned you lost. The lesson for the army, divorce, and life is you must know the rules of the game.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(157) 11/17/09

Separating Roles - Wife to Mother, Husband to Father

When clients call to inquire about our divorce mediation services, they are very anxious. During that telephone conversation I try to reassure them and give them hope. The potential clients often feel that all the marriage is not working, but their spouse is a good parent. I usually tell the person that we will help them separate their roles as Husband and Wife and maintain their roles as Mother and Father. They seem to like hearing that and say that is what they would like to happen. In fact that is what happens. The emotion of the marriage is gone and the parties can concentrate on being even better parents.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(156) 11/10/09

But I don’t want a divorce

In most divorces one party does not want the divorce. This almost always leads to the statement, "Why must I (fill in the blank) when I did not want the divorce?" It is a good question but the answer is not one the person wants to hear. It often comes down to who can handle the pain of the marriage the least. The person who asks the questions, rarely asks why did my spouse want the divorce and even if that question is answered the person rarely understand or accepts the answer. The person who does not want the divorce does not understand how he or she may be driving his or her spouse crazy. This is not to say that all the fault really lies with the person who does not want the divorce. In many cases the person who wants the divorce does not realize that his or behavior has triggered the behavior in the other spouse which he or she does not like. Marriage is a dynamic process with each party influencing the behavior of the other party. So what does this all mean in a divorce and more particularly a divorce mediation. It means that the couple should look ahead not back. Discussing how they got to this point is not as important as deciding where they want to be. There is no point in doing a "marital audit" of all the things that went wrong or who was responsible. It is too slippery a slope.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (155) 11/3/09

Voodoo Divorce

This goes under the category, I thought I heard of everything in divorce. I was re-posting our listing in Craig’s List and decided to do a search of divorce to see other listings. What to my surprise did I found among many listing for document preparers but the following listing :
Extreme Voodoo Spells by Isaura
Broken-Hearted Emergencies, Immediately Resolved!
My Readings And Spells Are Known To Be 100% Accurate & Effective!
The Answer To Unconditional Ever-lasting Love.. Store & Restore Romance, Passion, Desires
Do you feel powerless to create positive change in your own life?
Are you being given visions, or dreams, or simply intuitions, that you don't understand?
Are you frustrated by a relationship that seems to be going nowhere?
Need to gain back trust, love, or effection?
I have been helping people find their path to true love and happiness for over 16 years through spells and advice. I can guide you to your deepest desires, no matter how difficult they seem to be I can empower you with the strength you need to take on life and love's most difficult challenges.
My next step was to google divorce voodoo and I found 456,000 hits including an Amazon listing for the following:
Voodoo Divorce : Put a Hex on Your Ex Through Preparation and Knowledge by Stephen Rue Esq.
Clearly, some people are not happy with the divorce process or the results of their divorce and want to try something else. Let me know if anyone has tried Voodoo Divorce and what were the results.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (154) 10/27/09

Driving and Divorce

I have always been impressed by how nice the people are in Tucson. If you are in a supermarket and you ask a clerk for an item, the clerk will almost always ask you if he or she can take you to the item. However, that all seems to change when they get behind the wheel of a car. In particular no one has patience with the car in front of the them making a left turn. Before the green arrow can be seen the car in back of me is tooting its horn. Many times I am waiting because it is a leading green arrow or the conditions are not safe. Why do people personalities change when they drive a car. This made me realize that people’s personalities often change in different circumstances. Clearly, getting a divorce is one of them. Nice people can be become horrible people when they are getting divorced. I guess couples must pretend they are in a supermarket and not behind the wheel of a car.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (153) 10/20/09

Project Runway and Divorce

I must admit that I not only watch but enjoy Project Runway. Not only is it fun but Tim Gunn’s catch phrases, "Make it work", "Carry on," and "This worries me" and Heidi Klum’s "One Day "You Are In, Next Day You Are Out" apply to divorce as well as fashion. It was a pleasant surprise when I saw a recent show which was season 6, episode 8 where the challenge was for designers must convert an old wedding dress into a fashionable new look. See more about episode at http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/project-runway/project-runway-episodes. This is not only a metaphor for divorce but good advice. When we are working with couples in mediation we tell them this is an opportunity for a fresh start and to allow them to move on.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(152) 10/09/09

Expresss Divorce - No Magic Wand

Funny things make me think about divorce. I was recently in the new Whole Foods store in the upper west side of Manhattan. When we went to check out there were not the ordinary lines where you feel like you are gambling to see which clerk you get. Instead there were four color coded lines with two express and two regular. You watched a TV monitor which indicated the number of the check out clerk who was available. I have read of a similar procedure with banks of elevators. Then I read in the September 24, 2009 New York Times about professional tennis’ longest rally. It lasted 29 minutes with 643 shots and took place at a Virginia Slims event between Vicki Nelson and Jean Hepner. How does all of this relate to divorce? It does because many couples want to get divorce over with as soon as possible. They want to quickly rip off the band aide. Couples often come to me and want me to wave the magic wand and get them divorced instanteously. I would be rich if I can could do it. Couples want the express divorce. They want the Whole Foods checkout and they definitely don’t want a 643 shot tennis rally. If couples cooperate in mediation it can be a quicker process. It is up to the couple. I usually tell couples who can’t resolve their case in mediation to do an expedited divorce. I tell them not to spend their time negotiating in a contested divorce but to go directly to trial. It will be less expensive and quicker.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(151) 10/02/09