Marriage of Limited Duration

I have long advocated marriages of limited duration with an option to renew. This seemed farfetched to most people but Mexico is actually considering it. A recent article from Reuters by Alex Leff says, “Mexico City lawmakers want to help newlyweds avoid the hassle of divorce by giving them an easy exit strategy: temporary marriage licenses. The proposed a reform to the civil code would allow couples to decide on the length of their commitment, opting out of a lifetime. The minimum marriage contract would be for two years and could be renewed if the couple stays happy. The contracts would include provisions on how children and property would be handled if the couple splits."You wouldn't have to go through the tortuous process of divorce. http://tiny.cc/CDM122311 The church criticized the proposed change. This reform is absurd. It contradicts the nature of marriage," said Hugo Valdemar, spokesman for the Mexican archdiocese.”

This would not put Divorce Mediators out of business. Many of us also do Marital Mediation which in the case of a marriage of limited duration could be used to help the marriage or problem solve the renewal of the marriage.

Under this law we would not only have quickie Mexican divorces but quicke Mexican marriages.

In contrast to this Malta held a divorce referendum in May to consult the electorate on the introduction of divorce which resulted in a majority of the voters approving legalization of divorce. This will be the subject of a future blog.

I don’t think this is a bad idea. The person you marry is not always the same person you divorce. People and circumstances change and this would avoid the agonies of divorce. It may also actually make the people work harder on the marriage because otherwise there will not be a marriage.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(241) 12/26/11

Don’t Be Fooled When Eating Cereal or Getting Divorced

While eating breakfast this morning I tried a new cereal. As I am getting older I try to eat low calorie, high fiber low sugar cereal with low fat milk. This has leaded me to compare the different cereals. I use to just look at the number of calories in a portion but then I noticed that each box of cereal defines portion differently. I think to keep the calorie number lower. Sum portions are a cup, 2/3 of a cup, 3/4 of a cup or 1 and 1/4 cups. This is like the candy bars which get smaller and remain the same size or the big box with less contents. The moral of the story is you must read the fine print and do a comprehensive comparison. What does this have to do with mediation and divorce? As my younger daughter says, I can find a blog or tweet about mediation in anything! When coming up with settlement options you have to do a comprehensive comparison. For example, if you are getting stock don’t just look at the current value but look at the basis so you know the capital gains. 100 shares of Coke with a value of $100 and a basis of $100 and 100 shares of Pepsi with a value of $100 and basis of $50 when sold and capital gains taxes paid are not equal. Money from and IRA and money in a saving account are not equal because of taxes and penalties. So be careful!

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(241) 12/19/11

My Op/Ed Divorce Style Mediation and Political Disputes

My first and maybe not last op/ed.

Divorce-style mediation might have a place in political disputes Walter Marcus Special To The Arizona Daily Star

Listening to the Republicans and Democrats of the supercommittee blaming each other instead of problem-solving sounds eerily is like listening to parties to a divorce.
As a mediator who has successfully mediated hundreds of cases, I believe that legislative disputes can be resolved (or at least improved) by using the tools of facilitative mediation.
Here's how I would approach "the case": With everyone present in one room, each side would designate a spokesperson. After reviewing the mediation process and ground rules (respectful listening, no interruptions, no threats, no ultimatums, confidentiality) the first agreement from both sides would need to be that information from the mediation process would not be used in the future.
The process then begins with each side providing the factual basis for their interest. The process cannot proceed until the parties agree on the underlying facts. The supercommittee never agreed on the underlying facts, which doomed the process.
The process continues with the parties articulating their goals. It is essential that the real interest come out. In the supercommittee case, it would appear that the real interest is for each side to win the next election. If the real interest is winning the next election, each party must be convinced that the resolution won't hurt them at the polls.
With all this on the table, we get to the tough part of the mediation - getting the parties to brainstorm, think outside the box and come up with a win-win solutions. Ironically, a solution endorsed by both sides and an agreement not to use it as a club in the next election could be one path toward a resolution.
Mediation is not a silver bullet, but it can be an effective process and just might work. Often it happens in mediation that the parties learn to communicate better without a mediator and so strengthen relationships, which helps with the inevitable future conflicts. Why not give it a try?

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(241) 12/12/11

Divorce, Marriage, and Mediation License Plates

Surprised I have not done this before but below are the license plates I have found. Send in pictures you have found. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(238) 12/5/11

Surprised I have not done this before but above are the license plates I have found. Send in pictures you have found. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(238) 12/5/11