We are often asked if a mediation will be successful. The following is a list we use which is a helpful predictor. Post a comment for more details or to tell us what you think of you think are good predictors or your experience. Directions on how to post a comment are in the first blog comment. WM 2/9/08
POSITIVE SIGNS IN COUPLES
+ Desire for amicable post-divorce relationship.
+ Willingness to make own decisions
+ Desire for fairness.
+ Willingness to give and take.
+ Ability to regulate intense emotions
+ Children's well-being is more important than financial results of divorce.
NEGATIVE SIGNS IN COUPLES
- Lack of trust that other person will live up to the agreement.
- Desire for revenge.
- Spousal or child abuse.
- Substance abuse.
- Only goal is to save money.
- Little concern about impact of divorce on children.
POSITIVE SIGNS IN COUPLES
+ Desire for amicable post-divorce relationship.
+ Willingness to make own decisions
+ Desire for fairness.
+ Willingness to give and take.
+ Ability to regulate intense emotions
+ Children's well-being is more important than financial results of divorce.
NEGATIVE SIGNS IN COUPLES
- Lack of trust that other person will live up to the agreement.
- Desire for revenge.
- Spousal or child abuse.
- Substance abuse.
- Only goal is to save money.
- Little concern about impact of divorce on children.
2 comments:
This is helpful information. As mediators we often find that one or both parties are too angry to be able to sit down and try to resolve the issues in their divorce. My question to you: from your experience, do you have suggestions for convening and managing high conflict couples in divorce? I would like to believe that all couples would prefer mediation over litigation. Thank you.
Response to Anonymous
You have asked from my experience, do I have suggestions for convening and managing high conflict couples in divorce? This is an excellent question. Thank you for asking it. These can be the most challenging and rewarding couples. I have a few suggestions. I have recently used a caucus with each member to give the individual an opportunity to vent without starting an argument. I always ask why? If I can get to the underlying issue which is creating the conflict, I maybe able to diffuse it. I have also found that by telling the couple that the mediation is not working, makes them want to prove to me that they can make it work. This is particularly the case if they are competitive. I bring review counsel into the mediation. The right review counsel can help the couple see reality. I also let the couple go to court for a status conference and meet with the judge. This lets the couples see the divorce process close up instead of being buffered by their attorneys and mediator. I use humor to show the absurdity of a situation. I have not tried it but have considered, showing movies such as the War of the Roses or The Squid and the Whale. Hope this answers your question. I would welcome any other comments from mediators or a party who was using mediation on what also helped. WM 2/12/08
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