Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage. Show all posts

Monday, September 16, 2013

Marriage, Mediation and Business Divorce

Very often we have mediated cases where not only the parties are partners in marriage, they are also business partners.   More often than not, one party retains the business and one party leaves.  This is usually creates problems for both parties.  I was intrigued by the December 6, 2012 article in the New York Times by Bryan Borzykowski entitled, “When Couples Divorce But Still Run A Business Together.”  See the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/06/business/smallbusiness/when-couples-divorce-but-still-run-the-business-together.html?smid=pl-share  This was even more the case because one the businesses in the article was a law firm.    These are ideal cases for mediation.  The advice given in the article is the same advice we give in every mediation.  The importance of respect.  Open communications. Keep anger in check.  Have a written agreement.  Time makes things better.  I found the comparison of employees to children and how they should be handled the same way, as a touch amusing.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (279) 9/15/13

Friday, January 25, 2013

Checkbooks, Marriage, and Divorce

The classic joke is “What is the biggest cause of divorce?  Marriage!”  However, in my experience as a mediator more divorces are caused by fights over finances than fights over infidelity.  With this in mind an article by Rachel Louise Ensign entitled “I Do – Now Hands of My Checkbook” in The Wall Street Journal Sunday section of the Arizona Daily Star caught my eye.  See the entire article at http://tiny.cc/cdm0125 I have always been interested in how married couples handle their finances.  Some couples have all joint accounts. We do and have handled the entry problem by having two check books for one account. It resolves the problem of one checkbook and one spouse constantly forgetting to enter items.  Many couples have separate accounts and divide up who pays what bills.  Ensign cites a statistic that 31% of individuals who are married have separate checking accounts.  She also some parental wisdom which states that the secret to a happy marriage is separate checkbooks.    Ensign suggests some things for couples to consider.
1.   How are you going to split shared expenses?
2.   What do your portfolios look like together?
3.   What about assets such as property and businesses?
4.   What would happen if one of you died?
5.   Do you need a postnup?
Of course with the more and more people using credit cards and debit cards this may not be as important anymore or maybe there are just new problems!
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (267) 1/25/13
 


Sunday, June 17, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents – Part 5 – Infidelity




WARNING.  THIS BLOG IS A SURVEY OF WHAT IS REPORTED ON THE INTERNET ON PRESIDENTIAL INFIDELITY.  THE BLOG IS MEANT TO REPORT THIS CONTENT AND IN NO WAY REPRESENTS THAT THE MATERIAL IS CORRECT. WHERE THE MATERIAL IS MORE QUESTIONABLE, I HAVE USED RANDOM LETTERS AND NOT FULL NAMES.Is it part of being President that you need to be loved by everyone?  As researched on the internet, “Human nature has not changed at all since the first man was born—let alone since the first president was elected. Indeed, presidential love affairs are almost as old as the profession itself. Many former presidents had affairs before and during their presidencies. In their day, though, most Americans and the rest of the world did not know about what went on—for various or obvious reasons. Following are some alleged relationships of some of the Presidents.
Jefferson promised his dying wife would not marry but had a relationship with wife’s half sister Sally Hemmings and perhaps Maria Cosway in France.   Jefferson became the first to claim “executive privilege”—a term that has acquired a number of different meanings in the life of the republic. It includes numerous liberties for the president that go beyond the bill of rights including “unique sexual rights

Jackson’s extramarital affair appeared to be a mistake. He married wife Rachel Donelson Robards at 24, not knowing her divorce from first husband Lewis Robards remained unsettled.
Van Buren after the death of his wife in 1818, proposed to Ellen Randolph, a granddaughter of Thomas Jefferson, before she married in 1825. In his memoirs, he refers to her as “a very interesting young lady...and my warm friend.”

Garfield according to one biographer, had a brief affair with a Mrs. X in New York City in 1862. His wife discovered the truth and charged him with yielding to “lawless passion”. He later asked Calhoun to return his love letters and then destroyed them.


As previously blogged, before Cleveland’s presidency, 33-year-old Maria C. Halpin moved to Buffalo where she kept company with various men, including the young Cleveland. In 1874, she gave birth to a son, whom she named Oscar Folsom Cleveland. Cleveland, never sure the child was his, provided financial support but refused to marry her.
Wilson married in 1885 and he and his beloved Wife Ellen had three daughters. While vacationing alone in Bermuda one year, Wilson met and became involved in an extramarital affair with Mrs. X. They continued meeting secretly in various places.

As previously  blogged, Harding for 15 years saw X, wife of a Harding friend. Nan Britton while a teenager in Ohio developed a crush on Harding. In 1919, the year before Harding’s run for President, Britton gave birth to a baby girl. She said it was Harding’s.
Eleanor Roosevelt hired Lucy Page Mercer as her social secretary. She unveiled Mercer and her husband’s affair in 1918. She threatened divorce if he did not end the relationship. He agreed, but, despite his promise, resumed the affair later, and Mercer frequently visited the white house and was with Roosevelt when he died in Warm Springs, Georgia.

Kay Summersby was assigned to drive then General Eisenhower during a visit to London. She had been engaged, but her fiancée had died in combat, after which she became Eisenhower’s personal secretary and military aid.
Correspondence between the two later came to light and soon afterward disappeared. In the letter Eisenhower announced his intention to divorce his wife and marry Summersby. He never divorced his wife, and after the war he never saw Kay Summersby again.

Kennedy is rumored to have had affairs with stripper X, painter Y, mafia wife Judith Campbell Exner and—most famous of them all—actress and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.  Just recently, White House intern Mimi Alford also disclosed her relationship with Kennedy

One biographer claims that Johnson had a longtime love affair with T. Interestly, she is said to have broken off the relationship because she opposed the Vietnam War.

One of his many sexual partners became pregnant in 1950, prior to him being in the white house. Her name was G and she gave birth to LBJ's son.. Johnson did take care of G and his son financially, both before and after G was born. The illicit affair lasted for 21 years and Johnson set her up in an apartment for their discreet rendezvous.


Clinton:  Monica and many allegedly.  No need to say more.
Interestingly, I  have not been able to find any reference to first lady affairs.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (253) 6/17/12

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents - Part 4 - Divorce


Divorce is a recognized handicap in politics. Until Ronald Regan was elected President in 1980 no candidate who had been divorced was elected President. Ironically, he also signed California’s first no fault divorce law while governor. The stigma of divorce is not what is once was. The first Presidential elections I remember is Eisenhower and Stevenson in 1952. The fact that Stevenson had been divorced made his nomination for president on the democratic ticket initially doubtful in 1952. Even though damage to Stevenson's political standing was lessened by the fact that he had not remarried, polls indicated that his divorced status would cost him votes. Stevenson had a problem because he was divorced but running against the very popular World War II hero did not help either. More recently, Republicans have nominated divorced men in Bob Dole and John McCain. In four of the last eight presidential elections, the Republicans have nominated a divorced man. Neither won. Neither Bob Dole or Ronald Reagan’s divorces were tied to infidelity. And John McCain’s first wife, Carol refused to speak out. It looks like Romney will be the Republican nominee. It would have been interesting to hear more what Gingrich first wife has had to say. The six leading contenders for the 2008 Republican Nomination (McCain, Romney, Huckabee, Paul, Thompson, and Giuliani had been married a total of ten times. John Kerry is the only recent Democratic nominee to be divorced and remarried. In 2008, Chris Dodd had done so, and Dennis Kucinick, for whatever it's worth, was on wife number three. In 2004 Kerry, Kucinich, and Lieberman were divorce. Lieberman may be the only candidate to ever get a “get” (Jewish divorce). Ted Kennedy ran against Carter in 1980. In early 1978, he and his wife, Joan, separated. The couple remained together announcing plans to divorce in 1981; the divorce was finalized in 1982. Franklin D. Roosevelt had an affair with Lucy Mercer and contemplated a divorce from Eleanor but whether true or not it was said that his mother would not let him get divorced because she felt that it would keep him from being President. This seems to be a common thread because it has also been said the Roosevelt was born at Campobello in Canada but his mother said it was in the United States for the same reason. Who cannot forget that divorce and remarriage to a divorcee toppled Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller from the position of front-runner for the 1964 Republican Presidential nomination.
It does not seem to be as much as a problem for first ladies. Rachel Jackson was divorce and will be the subject of a future blog. So was Florence “Flossie” King DeWolfe, a divorcee with one son, who married Warren Harding, five years her junior in 1891 and Elizabeth Ann Bloomer who divorced her first husband, William Warren, in 1947 and married Gerald Ford a year later.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (252 5/27/12)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents Part 3 – Warren G. Harding

I have always been fascinated with Warren Harding.  As I type an autographed letter and picture are looking down on me.  “The Shadow of Blooming Grove” by Francis Russell was one of the first presidential biographies I collected and is one of 300 I own.  I have updated it from the Book of the Month Club edition and even a different copy published in England.  We also visited his home in Marion, Ohio, visited Teapot Dome in Wyoming and picked up an oily rock from there. I also like the fact the Franklin D. Roosevelt ran on the opposing ticket as the Vice Presidential candidate for James Cox in 1920.
Harding is well known for his extramarital affairs.  Internet research shows that allegedly, for 15 years Harding saw Carrie Phillips, wife of Harding’s friend James Phillips. After he won the Republican presidential nomination, the Republican National Committee attempted to silence Phillips with an all-expense paid trip to Japan, a $20,000 payment as well as a promise of future monthly stipends. But is the story of Nan Britton which captures the imagination. I have her book called the President’s Daughter.  My mother told me when she was a child (she was born in 1919) the book was considered a very racy book.  Britton was recently depicted on the HBO series, Boardwalk Empire.  She was a teenager in Ohio she developed a crush on Harding. In 1919, the year before Harding’s run for President, Britton gave birth to a baby girl. She said it was Harding’s.
With the help of secret service agents, Nan sneaked into the White House, and she and the President would walk down a hidden hallway, which Nan called it “our secret passage”—connecting the oval office and a coat closet. Inside the 5-by-5-foot closet, they would make love.
In 1923, with scandals breaking out all around him, the President fled Washington for a tour of the west and Alaska. On the return trip he became ill, and on august 2, he died in his San Francisco hotel room. He was 58.
The cause of death was reported as a stroke, but Harding had suffered food poisoning earlier in the trip. Later an agent for the Bureau of Investigation published a report claiming that Florence had poisoned the President. But no one could ever prove it. Mrs. Harding had refused to have an autopsy done on her husband. Was this her way of divorcing him?
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (251) 5/20/12

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents, Part 2 - Grover Cleveland


Sorry I have not blogged for awhile.  I must be in the mood but this is my 250th blog! Why do so many Presidents adjust their names?  It was actual Stephen Grover Cleveland, Hiram Ulysses Grant,Thomas Woodrow Wilson, John Calvin Coolidge, Jr., Gerald Ford was Leslie Lynch King, Jr., Bill Clinton was William Jefferson Blythe III and maybe Willard Mitt Romney. But I am digressing from my continuation of discussion of Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents.  Cleveland had John Edward’s scandal and survived it. 
To counter Cleveland's image of superior morality while running for President against James Blaine who was allegedly corrupt, Republicans discovered reports that Cleveland had fathered an illegitimate child while he was a lawyer in Buffalo, and chanted "Ma, Ma, where's my Pa?  (Following the Cleveland’s electoral victory, the "Ma, Ma ..." attack phrase gained a classic rejoinder: "Gone to the White House. Ha! Ha! Ha!") When confronted with the emerging scandal, Cleveland's instructions to his campaign staff were: "Tell the truth." Cleveland admitted to paying child support in 1874 to Maria Crofts Halpin, the woman who claimed he fathered her child named Oscar Folsom Cleveland. Halpin was involved with several men at the time, including Cleveland's friend and law partner, Oscar Folsom, for whom the child was also named. Cleveland did not know which man was the father, and is believed to have assumed responsibility because he was the only bachelor among them.


But it does not stop there.  Cleveland entered the White House as a bachelor. His sister, Rose Cleveand, moved into the White House and acted as hostess for the first two years of his administration. In 1885 the daughter of Cleveland's friend Oscar Folsom visited him in Washington. Frances Folsom was a student at Wells College; when she returned to school, President Cleveland received her mother's permission to correspond with her. They were soon engaged to be married.
On June 2, 1886, Cleveland married Frances Folsom in the Blue Room at the White House. He was the second president to marry while in office (Tyler was the first), and the only president to have a wedding in the White House. This marriage was unusual because Cleveland was the executor of Oscar Folsom's estate and had supervised Frances' upbringing after her father's death, but the public did not take exception to the match. At twenty-one years old, Frances Folsom Cleveland remains the youngest First Lady, and the public soon warmed to her beauty and warm personality. The Clevelands had five children: Ruth (1891–1904)(Baby Ruth candy bar was named after her and not Babe Ruth); Ester (1893–1980); Marion (1895–1977); Richard Folsom (1897–1974); and Francis Grover (1903–1995).
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (250) 5/13/12

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents Part 1



Very often my varied interests and activities overlap. This time the overlap was divorce and the Presidents.   I recently was thinking how Newt Gingrich’s divorces did not prevent him from running, the issue made over Adlai Stevenson’s divorce, that Reagan’s divorce put the issue to rest.  It got me thinking of doing a DTV show on Divorce Marriage and the Presidents.  I thought if I was doing the research for that I might as well do a blog too.  I thought of possible guests – Doris Kearns Goodwin was  a little of reach for me, Jim Nintzel and Andrea Kelly from Arizona Media were too busy and Jeff Spiers of American Political Biography and a source for many of my Presidential biographies did not want to be a guest let alone use Skype.  Then I realized I was a good guest and asked Vicki Evans, my friend at Access Tucson to interview me.  It turns out the Vicki is very knowledgeable about Presidents and it should be a great show.  If I was doing a Divorce TV show, I should also do a blog and so here I am blogging.   It has been very interesting researching the topic.  I realized it would be too long for one blog so this will me multiple blogs focus on one or more Presidents.  This is as much the story of the First Ladies as the President.  The wife’s role has evolved as the role of women in society has changes.   Attitude toward divorce has changed.  Many couples including Presidents stayed in unhappy marriages. Many Presidents were widowers and remarried.  The stigma of a divorced candidate changed with Ronald Reagan as a Catholic candidate changed with Kennedy.       It really has not been a significant issue with Newt Gingrich but he has other problems.  I had forgotten until I started my research that Presidential candidates Bob Dole and John Kerry were divorced.  Another question which creeps in is the sexual orientation of Presidents.  This was the case with Lincoln and with the first President I will discuss – James Buchanan.

Buchanan was the only President who remained a bachelor his entire term.  Grover Cleveland was a bachelor when elected but married in office.   Buchanan was our 15th President and served before Lincoln.  As a quick aside Buchanan was also alleged to have eyes of different colors.  I turned to Philip Shriver Klein’s definitive biography of Buchanan.  It turns out that attorney Buchanan was actually engaged to Ann Coleman, the daughter of a very wealthy Father who was one of America’s first millionaires.  Buchanan was more concerned with business than Ann and she was afraid he was only marrying her for her money.  Buchanan was away on business and when he returned he visited Mrs. William Jenkins and her pretty and charming sister, Miss Grace Hubley.  Ann was indignant that Buchanan should visit anyone and especially a women before seeing her and released Buchanan from the engagement. Ann went to Philadelphia where she suddenly died.  Buchanan was looked upon as a murderer.  An article in the May 19, 1901 New York Times elaborates.  It says, “Throughout the rest of his life Buchanan is not known to reveal to anybody the circumstances of this romantic tragedy.  He would only say that it had changed his hopes and plans, and had led him more deeply than ever into politics as a distraction from his grief.”  Being a bachelor did not hurt Buchanan from getting elected but he was helped more by being Ambassador to England and was not caught up in the crossfire of sectional politics that dominated the country.  He was also the last of the so called “doughface” Presidents who in the years leading up to the Civil War were Northerners who favored the Southern position in political disputes.  No unmarried candidate has run since Stevenson.  I am not sure if it would make a difference.  Time will tell.              


As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com  WM (249) 3/25/12

Monday, December 5, 2011

Divorce, Marriage, and Mediation License Plates

Surprised I have not done this before but below are the license plates I have found. Send in pictures you have found. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(238) 12/5/11




































Surprised I have not done this before but above are the license plates I have found. Send in pictures you have found. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(238) 12/5/11

Monday, December 1, 2008

Marriage, Divorce, and Mediation in China

We recently went on the Tucson Chamber of Commerce trip to China. It was wonderful! I loved walking on the Great Wall, feeling the vitality of the Shanghai, the exotic quality of the Forbidden City, and the warmth of the people. I realized that in China my nonverbal communication skills were better than my verbal skills. As always I was curious about marriage and divorce and asked our young guide about marriage and divorce in China. The wedding dresses are red and not white. Although that is changing. There is no formal wedding ceremony but a big meal. What surprised me the most was when she said there was mandatory mediation before a couple could get divorced. I googled divorce in China and found the following interesting article Divorce in the People's Republic of China: Analysis of a new law Journal Contemporary Family Therapy by John W. Engel. See article at : http://www.springerlink.com/content/p15q386333r2768q/
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 12/1/08

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

China, Marriage, and Automobiles





China has always fascinated me. I took Chinese history in college and we plan to travel to China someday. I love automobiles and marriage is part of my profession. It was a triple hit, China, marriage and automobiles.Thus, an article in the Thursday, April 24, 2008, New York Times by Keith Bradsher entitled "With First Car, a New Life in China - Attracting New Respect and a Good Marriage," caught my eye. I You can see the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/24/business/worldbusiness/24firstcar.html?ex=1366776000&en=77638e6bb77d4628&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink. According to Bradsher there is an explosive growth in first-time car buyers in China which is (you should excuse the pun) the driving force behind the record car sales in China. One of the reasons cited for new car buyers is the belief by parents that without a car their sons wouldn’t be able to find wives. One new wife said that "young women in China consider a man to be marriage material only if he can take them on dates in a car."

Automobiles have always been an integral part of the courting ritual in the United States so it should not come as a surprise that automobiles are also important in China. This is certainly my memory of high school.
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