Dating

Another question I am frequently asked when I begin a divorce mediation is "When can I start dating?" It helps if both parties want to start dating. It is very hurtful if one of the parties does not want to start dating. I am reminded of a couple I was working with a few years ago. They both asked me when they could start dating. I gave my usual advice that if the marriage was truly over they could start dating but they should be discrete. Even if a couple is divorcing, a party can get angry when they see their spouse with someone else. This makes the mediation more difficult. The couple understood this. Two weeks later they came back for their next mediation session. As always I asked how things were going and they both gave me a "sheepish" look. They explained that they took my advice about dating and decided they would have a dinner date in New York City where they would avoid their spouse. Unfortunately, they both picked the same restaurant at the same time and were seated at adjoining tables! It still worked out and they were happily divorced a few months later. WM 2/12/08