Divorce, Gandhi and Satyagraha

I recently saw the very creative production of the opera, Satyagraha, by Philip Glass and presented live by the Metropolitan Opera on HD in movie theaters. The opera is about Gandhi and his early efforts in South Africa. Satyagraha is a word he coined which roughly translated means force of truth. It was the name of Gandhi’s newspaper. It is derived from Satya - truth; implying openness, honesty, and fairness, Ahimsa - refusal to inflict injury upon others and Tapasya - willingness for self-sacrifice. I have always been fascinated by Gandhi but never thought of his principles and how they relate to mediation. It is obvious that the core principles of Satyagraha and mediation are the same. It is what I strive for in my mediations. I am now inspired to read more. There is a encore performance of the Opera on December 7, 2011 and you should consider seeing it. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(237) 11/28/11

Rashomon and Divorce Mediation

One of my favorite movies is Rashomon. It is an Akira Kurosawa in which a crime witnessed by four individuals is described in four mutually contradictory ways. The film is based on two short stories by Ryūnosuke Akutagawa. The word Rashomon is now commonly used to describe the effect of the subjectivity of perception on recollection, by which observers of an event are able to produce substantially different but equally plausible accounts of it. I just heard it used today on NPR and I made my daughters watch the movie so they would understand the word. It is seen often in popular culture and has been used on All in the Family, Grey’s Anatomy, Happy Days, The Simpsons, How I Met Your Mother and many other TV shows. I once tried a case where a women was hit by a car as she was walking in a cross walk. There were three witnesses and each saw a different color traffic light. I am surprised I have not blogged about the Rashomon Effect before because it happens all the time in marriage and divorce. There is not much a mediator can do about the Rashomon Effect but recognize the effect and to have the parties agree to disagree. Neither party will ever convince the other party. They must Accept and move on.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(236) 11/17/11

Divorce Mediation and Good Behavior

After a mediation, I often see the couple speaking in the parking lot of my office. This happens so often that I now offer them the opportunity to talk in one of our conference rooms which is at least cooler. They often look different in the parking lot. More angry and agitated. I also recall that many years ago, I was doing mediation and for about 20 minutes, the couple spoke to each other and I said nothing. I suggested that they did not need me and they said something which helps explain the parking lot conversations in reverse and another use of a mediator. What the couple said was they needed me because they were on good behavior when I was there. I have thought I could make money and couples could save money if I could sell them a blow up doll version of me. I think the dynamics of this is that people behavior is better with strangers. Once you cease to be a stranger which happens after a while in mediation this is no longer the case. What is happening in the parking lot is that I am not there and they don’t have to be on good behavior and can say things unrestrained. That is why I have always felt there is a window of opportunity to resolve a case. Couples need to take advantage of this opportunity.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(235) 11/10/11

Divorce Ring

The divorce ring was brought to my attention by my younger daughter. I have previously blogged about Divorce Ritual at

http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2008/04/divorce-ritual.html.

The ring is another aspect of Divorce Ritual. The ring pictured above is made of 18K gold and diamonds and was created by Spritzer and Furman. It is available at Alice Kwartler Antiques. The divorce ring costs $3,200. The ring costs more than many divorce mediations I have done. Pity the man who has multiple divorces and must buy a few rings. I can hear wife two saying “You bought one for wife one! I want one too! As usual, mediation is less expensive than litigated divorce. I think you can tell the two rings apart. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(234 11/3/11)