CENTER FOR DIVORCE MEDIATION -------------------------------------THE CONFLICT MANAGERS------------

Monday, February 15, 2016

Two Yellow Cars and Mediation

I was driving north on Oracle the other day and stopped at a traffic light. Much to my surprise there were two yellow cars that were not taxi cabs in front of me. One rarely sees one yellow car but I have never seen two yellow cars that are not taxi cabs at the same time. I have no idea what the odds are or even how to calculate the odds! I always try to relate everything to mediation. What does the sighting of two yellow cars tell us? No matter what the odds, something can occur. In mediation, always suggest something and sometimes you will be surprised by what happens.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (303) 2/15/16

Monday, February 1, 2016

Portmanteau, Divorce, and Mediation

I was reading the New York Times recently and saw the word, “portmanteau.” I was not familiar with the work and looked it up on my trusty iPhone. First definition was “a large trunk or suitcase, typically made of stiff leather and opening into two equal parts.” The definition did not make sense and I read further. “Consisting of or combining two or more separable aspects or qualities.” That was closer. Next, “a linguistic blend of words or their sounds and their meanings are combined into a new word.” Examples are smog for smoke and fog or spork for spoon and fork. The list is endless. The only legal term which comes to mind is “palimony” from pal and alimony. The term was made famous in the Lee Marvin case. It was coined by celebrity divorce attorney Marvin Mitchelson in 1977 when his client Michelle Triola Marvin filed an unsuccessful suit against the actor Lee Marvin. Michelle Triola sought support from Lee Marvin even though they had not married. She lost. I am not aware of any other divorce or mediation portmanteau words but can create some. Diviation for divorce mediation. Not sure we want this one. Advesorce for adversary divorce. Chort for child support. Collaborce for collaborative divorce. Aldilution for alternative dispute resolution. Don’t think any of these will catch on!

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (302) 2/1/16

Friday, January 15, 2016

How Does a Mediator Work?

I love my iPhone. I use it for everything including listening to podcasts. One of the podcasts I listen to is Working. Slate interviews Americans with interesting jobs. I was pleasantly surprised when a recent podcast was “How Does a Mediator Work.” It was an interview with Elizabeth Clemants who is not only a New York mediator but a shaman. Interesting combination of roles. I must admit I was a little suspicious but the podcast was very interesting. Did not agree with all Ms. Clemants said but she said many things I could relate to. You can hear the podcast at https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/slates-working/id930665651?mt=2

Friday, January 1, 2016

300th Mediation Blog

This is our 300^th blog. Only 299 because we deleted one. It is hard to believe we have been actively doing blogs since January 1, 2008. As of the writing of this blog we have had 29,819 page views. The most page viewed are Divorce Proverbs and Aphorisms with 1735, Divorce and Marriage Acronyms with 947, Best and Worst States for Getting Divorced with 449, Dementia and Divorce with 375, Humor in Mediation and Divorce with 346, Best Divorce Mediators with 340, Divorce Haiku with 296, New Arizona Child Support Guidelines with 261, Three Little Pigs Go to Mediation with 219, and If Things Fall Apart, Who Gets the Ring? with 211. Top countries represented by page views are United States with 15072, France with 1420, Russia with 1375, Germany with 1227, United Kingdom with 660, Ukraine with 569, Canada with 497, Poland with 368, India with 334, and China with 319. Pattern of most viewed pages seems to be people looking for information specific divorce issues or looking for humor or wisdom. I have no idea why there are so many views from countries other than the United States and in particular former Communist countries. Perhaps there are people in these countries contemplating marrying United States citizens and then getting divorced.

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Flying, Priority Standby, Divorce and Mediation

On a recent trip, we wanted to take an earlier fight because the airline had changed our flight and we were concerned that we might miss our connecting flight. There were three other flights before our original flight. We went to the airline counter and explained our situation to the airline’s representative. She said there was no room on the flights but she could put us on “priority standby.” Whoever heard of “priority standby?” A little Google research indicates there are very complicated rules on how the airlines determine standby priority. For example the following is Delta Airlines standby priorities

1. Confirmed first class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the first class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
2. Confirmed first class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the first class cabin.
3. Confirmed business class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the business class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
4. Confirmed business class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the business class cabin.
5. Confirmed crew member or mechanic without a seat assignment.6. Confirmed economy class passengers for whom there is no available seat in the economy class cabin, who is also an Executive Partner or a SkyMiles member with elite status, including Million Miler.
7. Confirmed economy class passengers who is not a SkyMiles member with elite status, for whom there is no available seat in the economy class cabin.
10. Confirmed passengers who is willing to give up his or her seat.
11. Diamond Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
12. Platinum Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
13. Gold Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
14. Silver Medallion on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade.
15. Non-elite SkyMiles member on discount fare confirmed in economy class and desiring upgrade – also alliance partner upgrade.
16. Paid standby upgrades.17. Death / emergency.18. Inconvenienced or mishandled by Delta, Medallion status passengers.19. Inconvenienced or mishandled by Delta, all other passengers.20. Inconvenienced or mishandled by another airline who paid Delta the full Y fare.
21. Confirmed passengers desiring a same-day flight change.
22. Airline employees, Buddy Pass travelers, etc.

General rules when all else is equal (> = have priority over) :
– SkyMiles members > non-SkyMiles members
– Medallion members > non-elite members in this order: Delta 360, DM, PM, GM, MM, FO (with the last two perhaps switching order in some instances)
– Full-fare passengers (F,J,Y,B) > discount fare passengers (all other fares, more or less)
– Order of booking class priority:
– – First class: F, P, A, G
– – Business class: J, C, D, I, Z
– – Premium economy: W
– – Economy: Y, B, M, S, H, Q, K, L, U, T, X, V (E is not eligible)
– – Award travel: R, O, N
– IRROPS passengers on connecting legs > IRROPS passengers on first leg of trip
– Older timestamps > newer timestamps (refers to time and date of ticketing, either original or re-issue).
– Booking class E is not eligible for standby
– Rebooked tickets are issued in the same fare class as the original ticket (if you move up to fare class Y on the rebooked ticket, you got lucky)

Not sure which of the categories we fit in or if we were just lucky but we were initially numbers 2 and 3 on the list and eventually numbers 1 and 2. We did not get on the first two flights and were about to give up when we got on the third flight. Three other observations. When they got to the last boarding groups before we received standby, the passengers were told they would have to check their carryon bags at no cost. We did not want to do this because we thought our luggage would get lost. I asked if we could bring our carryon luggage on the plane and they said of course and there was room for our luggage in the overhead bins. Lots of passengers get to the gate minutes before the flight takes off. A little unrelated but people still will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to stuff there oversized luggage in the overhead bin while they are blocking other passengers from getting to their seats and are delaying the flight. So what does all of this have to do with divorce and mediation? Just some life lessons and things you should think about in mediation and divorce. Never hurts to ask. Rules are not always flowed or maybe flexible. Sometimes you are lucky. Do your actions affect others?
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (299) 12/15/15

Monday, November 30, 2015

Halloween, Divorce, and Mediation

Holiday time is always difficult in divorce cases with children. Parents must somehow share the holiday. I will always remember a case where Halloween was the most important holiday for the Father. He spent hours getting ready and was willing to give up many things in the divorce so he could have Halloween with his child. Some people may think trick or treat is a good divorce or mediation strategy. For others divorcing, it may be a time to let off steam or become someone else. In the long run this may make the divorce process less stressful and easier. For reasons I don’t understand, many people get dressed up as a celebrity couple who are divorcing. I found the greeting card amusing that said, “I think by ex-huband’s girlfriend is so awesome so I dressed my kids like her for Halloween this year.” With a picture of a witch riding a broom.If for no other reason, you can go trick or treating, get lots of candy and have a chocolate fix!

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Pope Francis and Annulments

The New York Times recently reported that Pope Francis Pope has announced measures to simplify marriage annulments. http://nyti.ms/1M7YuWQ The New York Times say, “(t)he new rules take effect on Dec. 8 and are expected to speed up cases in which neither spouse is contesting the annulment. These fast-track cases can be heard as soon as 30 days after a couple files an application, and at most within 45 days. The new procedures also eliminate one of the two church trials that are required of all couples seeking an annulment, a process that can drag on for years, at great cost.” We discussed annulment with Father John Lyons on Divorce TV. See https://youtu.be/zERhzWiyQn4 The procedure seemed very cumbersome and this should be a big improvement.