CENTER FOR DIVORCE MEDIATION -------------------------------------THE CONFLICT MANAGERS------------

Monday, November 30, 2015

Halloween, Divorce, and Mediation

Holiday time is always difficult in divorce cases with children. Parents must somehow share the holiday. I will always remember a case where Halloween was the most important holiday for the Father. He spent hours getting ready and was willing to give up many things in the divorce so he could have Halloween with his child. Some people may think trick or treat is a good divorce or mediation strategy. For others divorcing, it may be a time to let off steam or become someone else. In the long run this may make the divorce process less stressful and easier. For reasons I don’t understand, many people get dressed up as a celebrity couple who are divorcing. I found the greeting card amusing that said, “I think by ex-huband’s girlfriend is so awesome so I dressed my kids like her for Halloween this year.” With a picture of a witch riding a broom.If for no other reason, you can go trick or treating, get lots of candy and have a chocolate fix!

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (298) 11/30/15

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Pope Francis and Annulments

The New York Times recently reported that Pope Francis Pope has announced measures to simplify marriage annulments. http://nyti.ms/1M7YuWQ The New York Times say, “(t)he new rules take effect on Dec. 8 and are expected to speed up cases in which neither spouse is contesting the annulment. These fast-track cases can be heard as soon as 30 days after a couple files an application, and at most within 45 days. The new procedures also eliminate one of the two church trials that are required of all couples seeking an annulment, a process that can drag on for years, at great cost.” We discussed annulment with Father John Lyons on Divorce TV. See https://youtu.be/zERhzWiyQn4 The procedure seemed very cumbersome and this should be a big improvement.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Yogi Berra, Divorce and Mediation

The Yankees are in first place in the American League East. It reminds me of the Yankees of my youth. I know more players names from those days than now. Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford, Don Larsen, Phil Rizzuto, and of course Yogi Berra.
He is known more today, however, for his “yogi-isms” – a word that has been commonly used to describe the many humorous quotations for which he is responsible.

Here are some well-known examples:

1.“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”2.“It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”3.“It’s like deja vu all over again.”4.“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”5.“You can observe a lot just by watching.”6.“We made too many wrong mistakes.”7.“I really didn’t say everything I said.”8.“Ninety percent of this game is half mental.”9.“The future ain’t what it used to be.”10.“If you don’t know where you’re going, you will wind up somewhere else.”11.“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”12.“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”

Many of these apply to divorce and mediation.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (296) 9/15/15

Monday, August 31, 2015

Simpsons and Mediation

We were surprised recently to hear that Homer and Marge Simpson are getting legally separated. It’s been announced that in the first episode of the 27th Simpsons series, Homer will fall in love with a pharmacist played by Lena Dunham, and that’ll be the end of their marriage. My first reaction was why legal separation. Our experience has been that often couples are afraid to say they are getting divorced and are more comfortable saying they are getting legally separated. During the mediation, as they become more comfortable acknowledging feelings and needs, they frequently decide that they actually wish to divorce. There are couples for whom legal separation is the preferred alternative such as those for whom their religion precludes divorce and those whose health situation makes staying on their spouse's insurance beneficial and if they are legally separated as opposed to divorced, they will be allowed to stay on the same insurance plan.
A second reaction was, will they mediate their legal separation and who should do the voice of the mediator? We always like James Earl Jones even if he was Darth Vader. Or perhaps Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn who played wacky mediators in "Wedding Crashers." If they mediate there is a higher likelihood that Homer and Marge may get back together!

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Hamilton and Divorce

Choosing a divorce lawyer can be difficult, but what was Maria Reynolds thinking when she chose her lover, Alexander Hamilton's arch rival, Aaron Burr to advise her? Didn't turn out too well for Alexander Hamilton either who was later killed by Burr in a duel.

Why this talk about people who lived in the late 18th century? Just saw the new Broadway musical "Hamilton" which is absolutely terrific. It's great whether you like hip hop or not!

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/13/nyregion/actresses-in-hamilton-take-a-trip-to-a-family-home-for-a-history-lesson.html?_r=0
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (294) 8/15/15

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Season to Divorce and Mediation

Yesterday as I went to check my email, I noticed that on my Comcast homepage "divorce attorneys" was again trending. I started to wonder whether there is a season to divorce. Do many unhappy people in the same week for some reason decide to explore options to end their marriage? I've noticed the trending before and it also reflects itself in calls to our office for mediation. Despite having seen bunching in calls for the over 20 years I've been mediating, I've never been able to identify a consistent pattern. It used to be that on January 2, calls would come in from people who didn't want to disrupt family holidays by calling in November, but in the past few years, I've noticed more calls in March than January. Another bunching occurs in the summer. Is it because children are off to camp and parents can focus on themselves?

Another question I asked myself when I saw "divorce attorneys" trending was how was this even possible given the huge percentage of people representing themselves in divorce cases. In an article in an American Bar Association journal, the author stated that judges in Arizona in 2005 estimated that over 80% of cases involved one self-represented party. This same trend is occurring all over the country.

Most of the couples I work with in mediation are self-represented so, with the trend toward self-representation, I wonder how soon it will be before "mediation" is trending

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Golden Retriever Mediation

I use to love to have our golden retriever, Molly, sit under the table when I mediated. She instantly detected any increase in the level of anger and but more often than not she had a calming effect on the couple. I was excited to see the YouTube video my daughter just sent me of a golden retriever mediating a ball fight. See it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM6Es8yX8ak

Too bad I can't use this effective technique but as my partner said after seeing the video, “we need a second part showing how the golden resolves the impasse.”