Split Movie Theater Can Save Marriages

 

 

Valentine’s Day blog!  I have previously blogged with unusual tips for saving marriages. See Netflix and Marriage on August 19, 2009,  http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2009/08/netflix-and-marriage.html and on April 4, 2008, Two TV Remotes are Better Than One! – Marriage Tips   http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2008/04/two-tv-remotes-are-better-than-one.html  I have an even more unusual idea.  Men and women enjoy different genre of movies.  Chick flick vs. men’s movies (there is not a cute name for these)  Wikipedia say, generally, a chick-flick is a film designed to have an innate appeal to women, typically young women. Some frequent elements of chick-flicks include having a female protagonist, thematic use of the color pink (along with metaphorical allusions of the color), and romance and/or dating based storylines.  Some recent examples are Love Story, An Officer and a Gentleman, Terms of Endearment, Dirty Dancing, Beaches, Working Girl, Steel Magnolias, When Harry Met Sally, and Pretty Woman.  Men’s movies are usually action movies. Rambo, Bourne and Rocky.  Need I say more?  The problem develops when a couple wants to go out to the movies. Chick flick or men’s movie.  How can you compromise?  Take turns?   One person is bound to be unhappy. My solution is simple?  A curtain!  The movie theater seating is divided down the middle with a large curtain.  Chick flick on one side of the curtain and men’s movie on the other.  Couples wanting to each watch a separate move sit on either side of the curtain,  hold hand with a hole in the curtain and each watches their own movie. Together but separate.  For another take on chick flicks see 'Chick Flicks' as Couples Therapy by Tara Parker Pope in the February 11, 2014 New York Times. http://nyti.ms/1ddJmoj

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (284) 2/14/14

 

 

One Way Bridge and Mediation

 

Recently, I was driving on the North Shore of Kauai and crossed a one way bridge.  There is a yield sign on both ends of the bridge.  Cars must take turns crossing the bridge.  Signs say that it is customary for no more than 5   to 7 cars to cross at time.  I was amazed that the system worked.  No anger.  No abuse.  Drivers patiently took their turns yielding.  I wish more people would see conflict resolution as a one way bridge.  Divorce Mediation, more often is a one way bridge with each party taking turns yielding so they can each get divorced and continue life's journey.  This much better than neither side yielding and getting stuck facing each other in the middle of the bridge.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (283) 2/7/14

 

House Hunters International, Divorce, and Mediation

 

We are addicted to the International House Hunter’s TV show.  We often have many shows backed up on our DVR.  I am always fascinated by the interpersonal dynamics of the couple and sometimes the realtor.  I don’t know if it is for dramatic purposes or for real but the couple always seems to find something wrong with each house but they pick one anyway.  At the end of the show they always seem very happy with their choice. On the United States version they sometimes get a rejected bid but never on the International version of the show.  Houses often need renovation but they don’t say what the renovations cost.  What I really like and what I think applies to mediation, is the process of elimination.  It is a good technique for making a decision.  The couple is always limited to three choices.  It is better if there are not too many options.  The couple always says “we must eliminate one of the three homes.”  It then makes it easier to pick between the remaining two homes.  We try to do the same thing in divorce mediation.  Important to know the cost of a divorce.  Also, is not bad if everyone is happy at the end!
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (282) 1/24/14

 

YouTube, Divorce, and Mediation

 

I am always curious how different media handles Divorce and Mediation.  People now obtain information many different ways.   A search of YouTube comes up with more than you can count but one of my favorites is numerous renditions by Tammy Wynette of D.I.V.O.R.C.E.  The first hit for divorce is Cyanide & Happiness – Divorce with 1,499,271 views.  The first hit for Divorce Mediation is Divorce Mediation versus Litigation What the Attorneys Won’t Tell You with 3,456 views.  The fact that Divorce gets so many more views than Divorce Mediation may tell you something about the popularity of Mediation.  I find this unfortunate. I am of course partial to the DivorceTV channel with over 10,000 total views.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (281) 12/24/13

 

 

Hail-Mary-Moon

I realize that a lot of my material for this blog comes from the New York Times or Google. What can I say, I am addicted to both. The latest article that caught my eye is “The Hail-Mary-Moon” by Carrie Seim and published on July 31, 2013. See entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/01/fashion/the-hail-mary-moon.html?pagewanted=allCatchy title! It is a variation on the Hail Mary Pass. A Hail Mary Pass is a very long forward pass in American football, made in desperation with only a small chance of success, especially at or near the end of a half. According to Wikipedia, “the expression goes back at least to the 1930s, being used publicly in that decade by two former members of Notre Dame's Four Horsemen, Elmer Layden and Jim Crowley. Originally meaning any sort of desperation play, a "Hail Mary" gradually came to denote a long, low-probability pass attempted at the end of a half when a team is too far from the end zone to execute a more conventional play. For more than forty years use of the term was largely confined to Notre Dame and other Catholic universities. The term Hail Mary Pass has become generalized to refer to any last-ditch effort with little chance of success.” As the subtitle of the article states, the Hail-Mary-Moon is for some couples an 11th hour trip together can save the relationship –or not. Call it a save-cation. Another catchy title! We never came across this approach to a save a marriage. We did see destination weddings. I have also thought a couple might do a divor-cation. It only seemed to work when the couple was motivated. A couple can be motivated without a trip. I did like the line, “Shortly after returning to shore, they called off the divorce mediator.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (280) 10/1/13

Marriage, Mediation and Business Divorce

Very often we have mediated cases where not only the parties are partners in marriage, they are also business partners.   More often than not, one party retains the business and one party leaves.  This is usually creates problems for both parties.  I was intrigued by the December 6, 2012 article in the New York Times by Bryan Borzykowski entitled, “When Couples Divorce But Still Run A Business Together.”  See the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/06/business/smallbusiness/when-couples-divorce-but-still-run-the-business-together.html?smid=pl-share  This was even more the case because one the businesses in the article was a law firm.    These are ideal cases for mediation.  The advice given in the article is the same advice we give in every mediation.  The importance of respect.  Open communications. Keep anger in check.  Have a written agreement.  Time makes things better.  I found the comparison of employees to children and how they should be handled the same way, as a touch amusing.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (279) 9/15/13

Interfaith Marriages, Divorce and Mediation

An April 2013 piece in the New York Times Opinionator by Stanley Fish titled “Marrying Out of the Faith” caught my eye.  See full article at http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/01/marrying-out-of-the-faith/?smid=pl-share  He discusses his own experiences and Naomi Schaefer Riley’s new book, “Til Faith Do Us Part:  How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America.”  I realized that we have done divorce mediation for close to 30 years and I can’t remember one case that a divorce was caused by an interfaith marriage.  Even though it has not come up directly, it may aggravate the situation.  Also, I have found that religion is often more an emotional than a spiritual issue.  Many people who are not religious seem to become more so when they get married.  This is not to say the issue of religion did not come up.   Ironically, the issue usually comes up in a positive way.  In determining a parenting plan for holidays, it was easier.  If it was a Jewish and Christian marriage, there was no fight over who parented the children on Christmas, Chanukah, Easter, Passover, Yom Kippur, and other religious holidays.  We once were special masters in case where the Jewish Father suggested parenting his children on the Jewish Holiday but when the Mother agreed he argued against his original suggestion.  I have some funny anecdotal stories on this issue.  In college a girl refused to date me because she thought I was not Jewish but never asked if I was.  I am.  I knew good friends of ours were an interfaith couple.  When I met them, I thought the Husband was Jewish and the wife was Christian.  It turned out that it was the other way around.  I am not a big fan of conversion for the sake of marriage.  If there is a conversion it should be because the person believes.   One may be able to convert but I don’t think one can convert the emotional and cultural experiences of a child.   I have seen many conversions.  Often I have been surprised that the person was not born Jewish.  Others seems like it was purely cosmetic.   Often the person who converted is more religious than their spouse.   I found his discussions of inter political marriages also very interesting.  He indicates that people worry more about an inter political marriage than an inter faith marriage.  I have noticed that most couples agree politically.  I think it is more an unconscious compatibility issue. 

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (278) 8/31/13