Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Judith S. Wallerstein

I don’t usually reference obituary’s in our blog but I could not let the passing of Judith S. Wallerstein go without mention. See obituary in New York Times at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/21/health/research/judith-s-wallerstein-psychologist-who-analyzed-divorce-dies-at-90.html?smid=pl-share  Judith S. Wallerstein is must reading for anyone in the divorce field. Her books are all classics.  They are not only informative but thought provoking and challenged all of us to analyze what we think and what we do.  Her works include:

Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce
The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts
Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce
Surviving The Breakup: How Children And Parents Cope With Divorce
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study
As the New York Times said Judith Wallerstein was “an expert on divorce whose analysis ignited a national debate over its effect on children.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (258) 7/27/12


Sunday, June 24, 2012

Make Your Own Wedding Ring



I have always been art and crafts oriented.  I make walking sticks and wine bottle stoppers.  I taught arts and crafts at a day camp.  My wife and I each made each other wedding gifts – a necklace from melon seeds and wine glasses from Michelob bottles.  When I saw an article on make your own wedding rings, I was very interested.  The Web site for New York Wedding Ring is http://www.newyorkweddingring.com/?gclid=CKu8r6vk57ACFWIGRQodT3GC2A

They say on their home page:


“Join us for a romantic and rewarding experience as you make your own wedding rings or engagement ring, by hand, in our fine jewelry studios in New York City and San Francisco.

Our one-on-one professional jewelry classes enable couples to make meaningful custom wedding rings in one day under the guidance of a professional goldsmith. We offer 99% recycled metals: gold, platinum, palladium, and mokume gane.

Most of the wedding and engagement rings pictured on this site were handmade in by clients with no prior metal-arts experience. Wedding rings usually take one session while you can make your own engagement ring in 1-2 day workshops. Browse the links above to learn more about New York Wedding Ring's unique attitude towards custom jewelry”
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (256) 6/24/12

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents – Part 5 – Infidelity




WARNING.  THIS BLOG IS A SURVEY OF WHAT IS REPORTED ON THE INTERNET ON PRESIDENTIAL INFIDELITY.  THE BLOG IS MEANT TO REPORT THIS CONTENT AND IN NO WAY REPRESENTS THAT THE MATERIAL IS CORRECT. WHERE THE MATERIAL IS MORE QUESTIONABLE, I HAVE USED RANDOM LETTERS AND NOT FULL NAMES.Is it part of being President that you need to be loved by everyone?  As researched on the internet, “Human nature has not changed at all since the first man was born—let alone since the first president was elected. Indeed, presidential love affairs are almost as old as the profession itself. Many former presidents had affairs before and during their presidencies. In their day, though, most Americans and the rest of the world did not know about what went on—for various or obvious reasons. Following are some alleged relationships of some of the Presidents.
Jefferson promised his dying wife would not marry but had a relationship with wife’s half sister Sally Hemmings and perhaps Maria Cosway in France.   Jefferson became the first to claim “executive privilege”—a term that has acquired a number of different meanings in the life of the republic. It includes numerous liberties for the president that go beyond the bill of rights including “unique sexual rights

Jackson’s extramarital affair appeared to be a mistake. He married wife Rachel Donelson Robards at 24, not knowing her divorce from first husband Lewis Robards remained unsettled.
Van Buren after the death of his wife in 1818, proposed to Ellen Randolph, a granddaughter of Thomas Jefferson, before she married in 1825. In his memoirs, he refers to her as “a very interesting young lady...and my warm friend.”

Garfield according to one biographer, had a brief affair with a Mrs. X in New York City in 1862. His wife discovered the truth and charged him with yielding to “lawless passion”. He later asked Calhoun to return his love letters and then destroyed them.


As previously blogged, before Cleveland’s presidency, 33-year-old Maria C. Halpin moved to Buffalo where she kept company with various men, including the young Cleveland. In 1874, she gave birth to a son, whom she named Oscar Folsom Cleveland. Cleveland, never sure the child was his, provided financial support but refused to marry her.
Wilson married in 1885 and he and his beloved Wife Ellen had three daughters. While vacationing alone in Bermuda one year, Wilson met and became involved in an extramarital affair with Mrs. X. They continued meeting secretly in various places.

As previously  blogged, Harding for 15 years saw X, wife of a Harding friend. Nan Britton while a teenager in Ohio developed a crush on Harding. In 1919, the year before Harding’s run for President, Britton gave birth to a baby girl. She said it was Harding’s.
Eleanor Roosevelt hired Lucy Page Mercer as her social secretary. She unveiled Mercer and her husband’s affair in 1918. She threatened divorce if he did not end the relationship. He agreed, but, despite his promise, resumed the affair later, and Mercer frequently visited the white house and was with Roosevelt when he died in Warm Springs, Georgia.

Kay Summersby was assigned to drive then General Eisenhower during a visit to London. She had been engaged, but her fiancée had died in combat, after which she became Eisenhower’s personal secretary and military aid.
Correspondence between the two later came to light and soon afterward disappeared. In the letter Eisenhower announced his intention to divorce his wife and marry Summersby. He never divorced his wife, and after the war he never saw Kay Summersby again.

Kennedy is rumored to have had affairs with stripper X, painter Y, mafia wife Judith Campbell Exner and—most famous of them all—actress and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.  Just recently, White House intern Mimi Alford also disclosed her relationship with Kennedy

One biographer claims that Johnson had a longtime love affair with T. Interestly, she is said to have broken off the relationship because she opposed the Vietnam War.

One of his many sexual partners became pregnant in 1950, prior to him being in the white house. Her name was G and she gave birth to LBJ's son.. Johnson did take care of G and his son financially, both before and after G was born. The illicit affair lasted for 21 years and Johnson set her up in an apartment for their discreet rendezvous.


Clinton:  Monica and many allegedly.  No need to say more.
Interestingly, I  have not been able to find any reference to first lady affairs.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (253) 6/17/12

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Divorce Boat



I use to suggest that we do mediation on a cruise and call it Divorce Boat, a variation on the TV show, Love Boat.  My idea was to let be able to let couples focus and be more relaxed.  It would make it easier to resolve the divorce.  A variation was to do it at a spa.  Most people that it was not a great idea and I never pursued it.   Then on May 27, 2012 I read in the New York Times an article about the Divorce Hotel.  See full article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/business/the-divorce-hotel-a-true-weekend-getaway.html?smid=pl-share  the concept is the same. The rates are high and the difference in state laws is still a problem.   I am curious to see if Divorce Hotel catches on.  Perhaps I will now pursue my idea.  I was impressed that they discussed using mediators but disappointed that no mediators were quoted in the article.   I take issue with the quote of Mr. Cohen, a divorce lawyer, who says,  “the courts are so backed up with cases that people are moving toward mediation and arbitration to end marriages, at least when huge sums of money or child custody are not at stake.” This is a self serving comment made by many divorce attorneys.  We have mediated many cases with multimillion dollar assets and child custody at stake.  It is my experience that mediation actually resolves these cases much better than adversary divorce.  There is no proof to substantiate what Mr. Cohen says.  In fact the study we did shows there is no difference in the financial results of mediated and adversary cases.  See study at http://center-divorce-mediation.com/az_divorce_mediation_study_of_divorce_outcomes1.htm

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (255) 6/10/12

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Relationship Agreements

It is unusual for me to read something new about marriage or divorce but what caught my eye in the May 22, 2012 article about the wedding of Mark Zuckerberg to Priscilla Chan was the line that said, “In fact, given that Ms. Chan reportedly asked Mr. Zuckerberg to sign a relationship agreement before she moved to California several years ago to be with him — outlining issues like how much time they should spend together” See full article at  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/22/technology/zuckerbergs-property-status-post-marriage.html?smid=pl-share  Perhaps, more later about all the community property issues.  But back to relationship agreements.  I had never heard of them.  I Googled.  It was popularized by the TV Show, “Big Bang Theory.  It was the agreement  Sheldon drew up after he and Amy became boyfriend and girlfriend. I can’t find the origin. More about the agreement or contract at http://relationshipcontract.net/RelationshipContract.html where they  say  the purpose of this contract is to provide an alternative for couples who want to make a commitment to each other that is more than the choice of living together and not as final as marriage with an ‘Until death do us part’ promise. The two most important and unique ingredients of this agreement are the semi-annual question and answer session and the choice of a specific time frame for partners to agree to be together. You can enter into this agreement as a test prior to a marriage decision, or choose this alternative to commit to a partner for a specific time frame. Couples that are already married are encouraged to use this agreement’s key ingredients to further develop their relationship. This agreement is a tool to communicate, as well as a symbol of your commitment.”
It is similar to the agreement we do when we do Marital Mediation and it in many ways it is like the Jewish Ketubah.  It is also a natural extension of premarital counseling which I am a strong advocate of.  It is also similar to the contract we prepare when we do when we do Marital Mediation. 

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (253) 6/3/12

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents - Part 4 - Divorce


Divorce is a recognized handicap in politics. Until Ronald Regan was elected President in 1980 no candidate who had been divorced was elected President. Ironically, he also signed California’s first no fault divorce law while governor. The stigma of divorce is not what is once was. The first Presidential elections I remember is Eisenhower and Stevenson in 1952. The fact that Stevenson had been divorced made his nomination for president on the democratic ticket initially doubtful in 1952. Even though damage to Stevenson's political standing was lessened by the fact that he had not remarried, polls indicated that his divorced status would cost him votes. Stevenson had a problem because he was divorced but running against the very popular World War II hero did not help either. More recently, Republicans have nominated divorced men in Bob Dole and John McCain. In four of the last eight presidential elections, the Republicans have nominated a divorced man. Neither won. Neither Bob Dole or Ronald Reagan’s divorces were tied to infidelity. And John McCain’s first wife, Carol refused to speak out. It looks like Romney will be the Republican nominee. It would have been interesting to hear more what Gingrich first wife has had to say. The six leading contenders for the 2008 Republican Nomination (McCain, Romney, Huckabee, Paul, Thompson, and Giuliani had been married a total of ten times. John Kerry is the only recent Democratic nominee to be divorced and remarried. In 2008, Chris Dodd had done so, and Dennis Kucinick, for whatever it's worth, was on wife number three. In 2004 Kerry, Kucinich, and Lieberman were divorce. Lieberman may be the only candidate to ever get a “get” (Jewish divorce). Ted Kennedy ran against Carter in 1980. In early 1978, he and his wife, Joan, separated. The couple remained together announcing plans to divorce in 1981; the divorce was finalized in 1982. Franklin D. Roosevelt had an affair with Lucy Mercer and contemplated a divorce from Eleanor but whether true or not it was said that his mother would not let him get divorced because she felt that it would keep him from being President. This seems to be a common thread because it has also been said the Roosevelt was born at Campobello in Canada but his mother said it was in the United States for the same reason. Who cannot forget that divorce and remarriage to a divorcee toppled Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller from the position of front-runner for the 1964 Republican Presidential nomination.
It does not seem to be as much as a problem for first ladies. Rachel Jackson was divorce and will be the subject of a future blog. So was Florence “Flossie” King DeWolfe, a divorcee with one son, who married Warren Harding, five years her junior in 1891 and Elizabeth Ann Bloomer who divorced her first husband, William Warren, in 1947 and married Gerald Ford a year later.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (252 5/27/12)

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents Part 3 – Warren G. Harding

I have always been fascinated with Warren Harding.  As I type an autographed letter and picture are looking down on me.  “The Shadow of Blooming Grove” by Francis Russell was one of the first presidential biographies I collected and is one of 300 I own.  I have updated it from the Book of the Month Club edition and even a different copy published in England.  We also visited his home in Marion, Ohio, visited Teapot Dome in Wyoming and picked up an oily rock from there. I also like the fact the Franklin D. Roosevelt ran on the opposing ticket as the Vice Presidential candidate for James Cox in 1920.
Harding is well known for his extramarital affairs.  Internet research shows that allegedly, for 15 years Harding saw Carrie Phillips, wife of Harding’s friend James Phillips. After he won the Republican presidential nomination, the Republican National Committee attempted to silence Phillips with an all-expense paid trip to Japan, a $20,000 payment as well as a promise of future monthly stipends. But is the story of Nan Britton which captures the imagination. I have her book called the President’s Daughter.  My mother told me when she was a child (she was born in 1919) the book was considered a very racy book.  Britton was recently depicted on the HBO series, Boardwalk Empire.  She was a teenager in Ohio she developed a crush on Harding. In 1919, the year before Harding’s run for President, Britton gave birth to a baby girl. She said it was Harding’s.
With the help of secret service agents, Nan sneaked into the White House, and she and the President would walk down a hidden hallway, which Nan called it “our secret passage”—connecting the oval office and a coat closet. Inside the 5-by-5-foot closet, they would make love.
In 1923, with scandals breaking out all around him, the President fled Washington for a tour of the west and Alaska. On the return trip he became ill, and on august 2, he died in his San Francisco hotel room. He was 58.
The cause of death was reported as a stroke, but Harding had suffered food poisoning earlier in the trip. Later an agent for the Bureau of Investigation published a report claiming that Florence had poisoned the President. But no one could ever prove it. Mrs. Harding had refused to have an autopsy done on her husband. Was this her way of divorcing him?
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (251) 5/20/12