New Center for Divorce Mediation Web Site

We were one of the earlier mediators to have a web site at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ and have progressed from one that was very primitive to a more sophisticated site. It could be even more sophisticated but we don’t want to change from the old FrontPage software. We recently upgraded our web site and are using more pictures and better content. Picture above is one of our new pictures. We hope it will be more user friendly and helpful. We have also caught some dated material and some typos. We hope you like it. Let us know. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(221) 5/28/10

Charlie Chan and Mediation

As a young child and in the earlier days of television, I watched portions of many Charlie Chan movies. I always like the repartee between Charlie Chan and his number one son. One of them went like this: Number one son: You're lucky to have your assistant on hand, Pop. Charlie Chan: Assistant? That you? Number one son: Sure! Charlie Chan: Your assistance as welcome as water in sinking ship! Number one son: But you've always said that two men can find a clue quicker than one. Charlie Chan: [he looks from side to side] Where is other man? Do not see other man! When I read the review of Yunte Huang’s book about Charlie Chan, I had to read it. It is a wonderful book and one my favorite parts of the book is the list of Charlie Chanisms in appendix I. Some of these include: Every maybe has a wife called Maybe-Not. Guessing is cheap, but wrong guess expensive. Advice after mistake is like medicine after dead man’s funeral. Biggest mistakes in history made by people who didn’t think. Caution very good life insurance. Door of opportunity swing both ways. A fool and his money never become old acquaintances. Mind, like parachute, only function when open. Race not always won by man who start first. Talk cannot cook rice. Too late to dig well when honorable house is on fire. Truth, like football – receive many kicks before reaching goal. When money talk, fee are deaf. When searching for needle in haystack, haystack only sensible location. The wise elephant does not seek to ape the butterfly. When mediating, I often use aphorisms and humor to make a point. I have added some of these to my list! As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(220) 5/21/11

Interaction Models and Mediation

Finally read the October 11, 2010 New Yorker magazine. I liked the comment by Nora Ephron in her article about wills where she says, “”When you get divorced, and don’t get the house (like I did), you leave behind all sorts of things you don’t have the sense to know you’ll someday wonder about or feel genuinely nostalgic for.” I went on to read Talent Grab by Malcolm Gladwell where he asks and answers the question, why do we pay our stars so much money? See site to entire article at http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/10/11/101011fa_fact_gladwell In the article he quotes Aya Chacar and William Hesterly article in the Managerial and Decision Economic which draws on the work of Alan Page Fiske. They say that, “Fiske is a U.C.L.A. anthropologist who argues that people use one of four models to guide the way they interact with one another: communal sharing, equity matching, market pricing, and authority ranking. Communal sharing is a group of roommates in house who are free to read one another’s books and wear one another’s clothing. Equality matching is a car pool: if I drive your child to school today, you drive my child to school tomorrow. Market pricing is where the terms of exchange are open to negotiations, or subject to the laws of supply and demand. And authority ranking is paternalism: it is a hierarchical system in which “superiors appropriate or pre-empt what they wish.” We see the same interaction in mediation. Being able to identify and understand these interactions makes it easier to deal with them in mediation. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(219) 5/14/11

Purple Cow and Mediation

Just finished reading the “Purple Cow” by Seth Godin. The book was recommended to me by my good friend and fellow mediator, Rita Pollak. I read it primarily to determine whether I should be doing anything else to make our mediation practice better known. Godin’s concept is transform your business by being remarkable. At the end of the book he gives some slogans which summarize his approach. They include, “Don’t Be Boring”, “Safe is Risky”, “Design New Rules”, and “Very Good is Bad”. The book made me evaluate what I am doing and think outside the box. It made me want to try to experiment with group divorce mediation. As is often the case, it also made me think if the concept also applied to marriage and divorce. When I am mediating I always encourage my clients to be creative, think outside the box, and not to see things as black and white but at least shade of gray if not the colors of the rainbow. I also encourage my clients to be generous and to look for the peace dividend. I can now also tell my clients to also try being remarkable. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (218) 5/7/11

Dr. Strangelove and Mediation

Believe it or not I often refer to a scene in Stanley Kubrick’s 1964 movie “Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb” when I am mediating. It is the scene where Dr. Strangelove’s left fist slams down and his black-gloved mechanical right arm reflexes into an unintentional Nazi salute ('Sieg Heil'). He pulls his right arm back into his lap, fighting off his own, spring-loaded gloved hand with his good arm. I use it to show clients how sometimes people can’t control what they are doing. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (217) 4/30/11

Judaism As a Civilization and Mediation

I have been trying to read “Judaism As a Civilization: Toward a Reconstruction of American-Jewish Life” by Mordecai Menahem Kaplan. It is very slow going and I don’t understand a lot but one of the lines in the book captured my imagination. “Obedience to God’s law can give the firmest stability and the most permanent security to human existence.(page 148) It seems to me that in most mediations the parties are seeking stability and security. They are also often seeking superiority. Problem solving which that develops solutions which give the parties stability and security will probably work. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (212) 3/26/11

Alimony Ale

I love beer and what could be better than mixing my love of beer and mediation. I was shopping for some beer to bring to a friend, spotted the bottle and could not resist buying it. I have not tried it yet but will do a follow up blog when I do. There are lots of beer web sites and iPhone apps. Two had the following to say:

RateBeer.com say, “Buffalo Bill’s Alimony Ale was originally brewed for a customer going through a divorce. It has gained a reputation as one of the most eccentric brews, from reports in the Wall Street Journal and Newsweek. No longer one of the bitterest beers in America, just one of the best. “
Review from Beer Advocate say, “Here comes an American IPA that has a cool name and label, but a less than over the top aroma, taste, etc. That's not necessarily a bad thing. It is very drinkable, deceivingly so. You might not think you are drinking something as strong as it is, thus getting yourself in trouble with the spouse.

It is pretty well balanced, with a bit of a dark, almost Scottish taste. I would drink it again, but won't go out of my way to get more.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(215) 4/16/11