British Divorce and Bad Financial Guesses

It was interesting to read an article in the May 26, 2009 New York Times by Landon Thomas, Jr. entitled, "For Wealthy British Husbands, ‘Mr. Tooth Calling’ Brings a Chill." Divorce attorneys seem very much the same on both sides of the Atlantic or as they say the "Pond" as well as anywhere in the United States See the entire article at
www.nytimes.com/2009/05/26/business/global/26divorce.html What I found most interesting in the article was the discussion of one of his cases where the former husband tried to abrogate the divorce settlement because he called the market wrong. This is happening everywhere with the Madoff problems and the fall of housing prices. In a divorce it may now be better to edge your bets and share the potential upside and downside.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 6/25/09

Divorce Rate and the Economy

Andrew J. Cherlin, author of "The Marriage-Go-Round: The State of Marriage and the Family in America Today," wrote an excellent OpEd piece entitled "Married with Bankruptcy" in the May 29, 2009 New York Times. You can see the entire essay
at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/29/opinion/29cherlin.html. Cherlin says that "in times of economic crisis, Americans turn to their families for support. If the Great Depression is any guide, we may see a drop in our sky-high divorce rate. But this won’t necessarily represent an increase in happy marriages, nor is the trend likely to last. In the long run, the Depression weakened American families, and the current crisis will probably do the same." He goes on to say that "But history suggests that this response will be temporary. By 1940 the divorce rate was higher than before the Depression, as if a pent-up demand was finally being satisfied. The Depression destroyed the inner life of many married couples, but it was years before they could afford to file for divorce. Today’s economic slump could well generate a similar backlog of couples whose relationships have been irreparably ruined. So it is only when the economy is healthy again that we will begin to see just how many fractured families have been created."
Many divorce professional are struggling. If Cherlin is right, this is only temporary. We must prepare for the pent up demand and the flood of cases that will come.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 6/18/09

Divorce, Children, and Religion

Religious issues often come up in divorce cases. It is not unusual to have a provision in a divorce agreement about a religious divorce or how the children will be raised religiously. The Arizona Court of Appeals recently ruled that "one parent in a divorce case can't block a decision by a former spouse to send their child to a religious school." The case was discussed in detail in an article in the Arizona Daily Star by Howard Fischer. See the entire article at
http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/294901. Fischer said that "the judges rejected arguments by Gerald Romine that the push by his wife to have their children get a religious education interferes with his constitutional right to direct their education and upbringing. What's more, the judges said an objecting parents even can be forced to pay the child's tuition at the religious school. The only real issue, Judge Daniel Barker said is what is in the best interest of the children."
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 6/11/09

Process, Content, Results

I have always been interested in the concepts of process, content or result. When we do co-mediation and are asked why, we tell the couple that I am an attorney and my co-mediator is a psychologist and the attorneys are result oriented and psychologists are process oriented. When we do comediation, the couple gets the benefit of both. I have also discussed process vs. content with a good friend who is a psychiatrist. He believes that in marriages one partner is often process oriented and one is content oriented. It is better to focus on process in a marriage and in a divorce. David Foreman discusses this in an article entitled , " Marriage Counseling Session - Process vs. Content." See entire article at
http://ezinearticles.com/?Marriage-Counseling-Session---Process-vs.-Content&id=959790
He states, "couples are completely involved in content when the real trouble is the process - the underlying patterns of behavior and attitude that are tearing at the fabric of the relationship. The content is always changing - when it's not the dishes it's why one partner ignored the other at a party - but the process remains the same. It's what's at the root of their problems. They thought it was about stacked dishes. But they can't even address the issue of the dishes until they address the way they speak to each other. If you leave dirty dishes in the sink you don't deserve to be put down. This is not about dishes, it's about attachment and the pain that happens when that attachment is broken.
Process is how things are said and how people react and feel. The content is usually irrelevant. Care about process and your relationship will grow."
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 6/4/09

Divorce Health Insurance

Health insurance is one of the big issues in divorce but couples don’t always think about until they come in to see us. The problem is one of the partners can’t continue on the existing family health insurance plan. The person can always get COBRA (few people know this acronym stands for Comprehensive Budget Reduction Act and the letter have nothing to do with health insurance) coverage for 18 to 36 months depending on the plan. The cost is still significant and there is a problem with preexisting conditions or conditions that develop during the 18 or 36 months. An article in the May 16, 2009 New York Times by Lesley Alderman entitled "Buying Health Insurance Begins With Homework" is an excellent discussion of some options other than COBRA. You can read the entire article at http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/16/health/16patient.html. It is the same advice we usually give clients. I keep watch what is happening in Washington about health insurance and hope they fix the problem.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 5/28/09

Divorce Graffiti

When I was about 20 years old, I visited my sister in California. My first trip west of the Mississippi. While I was there I purchased a small book for $1.00 called "Graffiti, Selected Scawls from Bathroom Walls" collected by Robert Reisner. I recently came across the book. I looked in the table of contents to see if there were any mediation or divorce or marriage graffiti. Surprisingly, there were none. The closest was the Love topic. It in included, "Love thy neighbor but don’t get caught," "Chaste makes waste, " and "If it moves, fondle it." I went to my next source, Google, and was suprised not to find anything other than, "Two very rich people got divorced, and their lawyers lived happily ever after." I can only speculate why there is no Divorce Graffiti. Has the internet replaced the bathroom wall? Has graffiti become an spray art form and divorce does not work on a subway car? If you have seen some divorce graffiti, share is with me or let me know why you think there is so little divorce graffiti.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 5/21/09

Divorce Script

Recently, I was asked to do a presentation at an organization’s meeting. I was surprised to get an email saying that I would be getting my script sent to me. I emailed back and asked if there would be teleprompter too? Low and behold, a few days later I got a script of the remarks of everyone speaking at the meeting! I printed it out in a 24 point and was ready to go. I casually mentioned this incident to a friend who advised me that lots of organizations are now doing this. As always I wanted to apply what I learned to divorce mediation. I wondered what it would be like if we had a script for each divorce? Would it make the process easier or harder? We probably will never know.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 5/14/09