My Attorney Bernie

One of my favorite attorney songs is My Attorney Bernie by Dave Frishberg. You can hear it on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5GUZmUaGOA

Other cute versions are at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qg3-ItF_t3k

or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JO-OWUwDLlg or watch directly at

Lyrics go like this:

I'm impressed with my attorney Bernie I'm impressed with his influential friends He's got very big connectionsand I follow his directionsBernie knows his way aroundand so I always do what Bernie recommendsI am blessed with my attorney Bernie I'm impressed with the way he runs the storeHe's got Dodger season boxesand an office full of foxesIt's amazing all the different thingsyour average guy might need a lawyer forchorus: Bernie tells me what to doBernie always lays it on the line Bernie says we sue, we sue Bernie says we sign.. we sign I'm in touch with my attorney BernieIn a clutch he can speed right to the scene and if I'm locked up in the jailwith just one phone call for my bail He said to call his club collector deal directly with his answering machineWhen I dine with my attorney Bernie He buys wine from the rare imported rack That's 'cause Bernie is a purist Not your polyester touristBernie waves the glass around awhile then takes a sip and always sends it back(chorus) I admire my attorney Bernie I admire any guy who knows his stuff Sure we blew a couple ventures with a counterfeit debenture But you win a few, you lose a fewand like Bernie says, you keep on hanging tough Thanks to you my attorney Bernie Thanks to you I'm considered well to do Sure I made out like a bandit Just exactly like you planned it But like Murray my accountanttold me yesterday, I owe it all to you(chorus) On the dotted line!

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 11/24/08

Alec Baldwin

30 Rock with Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin is one of my favorite television shows. I had read about his comment about his daughter on the answering machine and have read many articles about a husband or wife’s dissatisfaction with the adversary or traditional divorce process. I always ask myself if they would have had the same feelings if they had used mediation. Mediation is a more confidential process and we rarely see news stories about mediated divorce but back to Alec Baldwin. Baldwin has written a book entitled A promise to Ourselves, A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce which was reviewed by Jennifer A. Kingson in the October 13, 2008, New York Times. See entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/14/books/14king.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink
Kingston says, " Survivors of a gory divorce think their stories are the worst of all, and the actor Alec Baldwin is no exception. He may have a bit of a leg to stand on - though Christie Brinkley deserves at least honorable mention - if only for the ugly public spectacle of his custody battle with the actress Kim Basinger.
Kingston goes on to say, "Mr. Baldwin gives poignant expression to the shortcomings of the law in deciding matters of the heart. For the bitter-with-baggage fathers whom he intends as his readers, he dispenses some advice (get a prenup), but the primary value of the book comes from his deeply felt observations about living through a divorce. ‘When someone is sick, our society usually offers some means of care," Mr. Baldwin observes. "When illness afflicts a marriage, however, the professionals who arrive on the scene often are there to prolong the bleeding, not to stop it.’"
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM 11/17/08

Divorce TV on Youtube

Divorce TV is now on YouTube. http://www.youtube.com/DivorceTV is the Divorce TV channel or you can go to the left of your screen an pick a show. Let us know what you think. See Sample



WM 11/10/08

Happily Ever After? Indeed

A new survey reported by Karen Asp at
http://www.aolhealth.com/healthy-living/relationships/truth-about-marriage-survey reveals some telling facts about marriage in America. She says, "Marriage has been taking a hit in the headlines recently. Everywhere you look, couples are cutting that knot. Yet the outlook for marriage in this country may not be as bleak as you thought, if the results of a new survey from Parade Magazine are any indication. Parade polled 1,001 married Americans aged 18 and over and found some contradictions to the otherwise bleak news about marriage. For starters, a whopping 88 percent of participants reported being either happy or reasonably content in their marriages. Another telling statistic? Over half of the couples said they were happy in their marriages, half of them using words like "joyful" and "loving" to portray their marriages. What's more, 71 percent of couples said they've stayed married because of deep love while 73 percent cited companionship. However, when it came to marital satisfaction, the picture wasn't so rosy. Men actually reported being happier than women with 70 percent saying they never think about leaving their wife. Women, however, weren't so optimistic. Over half admitted to thinking about leaving their husbands. Yet as many of these married couples know, there's good reason to invest the time in that relationship. "People who are in healthy, happy marriages have less stress, better health and are better able to deal with the challenges of life."
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 11/03/08

State of Confusion

In an effort to better understand the 2008 Presidential Election, I have read State of Confusion by Dr. Bryant Welch. One of his theories which is well known to therapists is that people form their own reality. We should give more credence to each person forming his or her own reality in divorce cases. It helps explain why people take the positions they do and why they can be so difficult to change. One of the reasons we usually start a mediation with the husband and wife each independently completing financial and personal questionnaires, then comparing them, and then discussing in a mediation session is so we can try to agree on a common reality. How to come up with common solutions is more difficult but easier when we agree on the underlying facts.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 10/27/08

If Things Fall Apart, Who Gets the Ring?

One of my early cases as an attorney concerned an older man engaged to a younger woman. She broke of the engagement and he wanted the engagement ring back. It brought back memories to see the article in the October 3, 2008, New York Times by Nadine Brozman entitled "If Things Fall Apart, Who Gets the Ring?" You can see the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/fashion/weddings/05field.html?partner=permalink&exprod=permalink.
Ms. Brozan say, "Chivalry aside, in recent years courts have almost always held that the ring goes back to the buyer, no matter the circumstances. The premise is that the engagement ring is a conditional gift — the condition being that a marriage take place. And if it does not, the agreement is rendered null and void. Furthermore, courts have ruled that it does not matter who broke the engagement, the donor or the recipient. "If you have no-fault divorce, you must have no-fault engagements," said Joanne Ross Wilder, a principal in the Pittsburgh law firm Wilder & Mahood. In 1999 she won a ruling in a Pennsylvania case that is viewed as precedent setting: the ring should be returned to the donor. "Before this case, there was a split of opinion in the United States as to whether the donor should get the ring back if he broke the engagement without just cause," Ms. Wilder said. "If you get into who was at fault in deciding whether the ring should remain with the donee or return to the donor, you do a counterintuitive analysis. Isn’t the purpose of an engagement to be a trial period and isn’t it better to break an engagement than a marriage? Whose fault is irrelevant?"
On the other hand she goes on to quote Letitia Baldrige, the etiquette expert who says, "the person who breaks the engagement is responsible for making good. If the woman breaks it, she should send the ring back immediately. If it is the man, he should say, ‘Of course you keep the ring. Should the ring be a family heirloom, the woman should return it. But then he should buy her another piece of jewelry or simply give her a credit at a jewelry shop. Nice people do that."
I have also found who gets the engagement ring is a hot issue in divorce mediation. It can also be diagnostic. I will let you guess which attitude means what! The value of the ring makes the issue even more complicated. Inevitably, the ring is worth less than what was paid for it and the couple argues, as they do with many assets, if it should be valued at the replacement value or the value you could sell it for.
We are known for divorce mediation but do other types of mediation. Perhaps we should also do broken engagement mediation.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 10/20/08

The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters

Not only am I a google junkie but I guess I am a New York Times junkie! The Times seems to be able to say what I am thinking better than I can. The September 10, 2008 article in the Wealth & Personal Finance section by Tara Siegel Bernard, entitled, "The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Maters," was one of the articles. You can read the entire article at
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/10/business/businessspecial3/10WED.html?ex=1378785600&en=04325ab78cbe5a84&ei=5124&partner=permalink&exprod=permalink.
It emphasizes my philosophy toward mediation. It is easier to quote then paraphrase. Bernard says,

"If you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.
But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.
Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family."

She goes on to discuss seven guidelines for a success marriage.

1. Talk and Share Goals
2. Run a Home Like a Business
3. Be Supportive of Careers
4. Enjoy, but within Reason
5. Use a Mediator
6. Main Some Independence
7. Invest in Your Marriage.

We often do guideline five, Use a Mediator, when we do Marital Mediation. Many of the divorces we mediate have been caused by financial issues. Many divorces could be avoided by following these guidelines.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog, Divorce Mediation, or Tucson Arizona by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website or participate in our Presidential poll located below the directions. WM 10/13/08