Yogi Berra, Divorce and Mediation

The Yankees are in first place in the American League East.  It reminds me of the Yankees of my youth.  I know more players names from those days than now.  Mickey Mantle, Whitey Ford, Don Larsen, Phil Rizzuto, and of course Yogi Berra.
He is known more today, however, for his “yogi-isms” – a word that has been commonly used to describe the many humorous quotations for which he is responsible.

Here are some well-known examples:

1.“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”2.“It ain’t over ’til it’s over.”3.“It’s like deja vu all over again.”4.“A nickel ain’t worth a dime anymore.”5.“You can observe a lot just by watching.”6.“We made too many wrong mistakes.”7.“I really didn’t say everything I said.”8.“Ninety percent of this game is half mental.”9.“The future ain’t what it used to be.”10.“If you don’t know where you’re going, you will wind up somewhere else.”11.“If the world were perfect, it wouldn’t be.”12.“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future.”

Many of these apply to divorce and mediation.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (296) 9/15/15

Simpsons and Mediation

    We were surprised recently to hear that Homer and Marge Simpson are getting legally separated. It’s been announced that in the first episode of the 27th Simpsons series, Homer will fall in love with a pharmacist played by Lena Dunham, and that’ll be the end of their marriage. My first reaction was why legal separation. Our experience has been that  often couples are afraid to say they are getting divorced and are more comfortable saying they are getting legally separated. During the mediation, as they become more comfortable acknowledging feelings and needs, they frequently decide that they actually wish to divorce. There are couples for whom legal separation is the preferred alternative such as those for whom their religion precludes divorce and those whose health situation makes staying on their spouse's insurance beneficial and if they are legally separated as opposed to divorced, they will be allowed to stay on the same insurance plan. 
    A second reaction was, will they mediate their legal separation and who should do the voice of the mediator? We always like James Earl Jones even if he was Darth Vader. Or perhaps Owen Wilson or Vince Vaughn who played wacky mediators in "Wedding Crashers." If they mediate there is a higher likelihood that Homer and Marge may get back together!

    As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (295) 8/31/15

Hamilton and Divorce

Choosing a divorce lawyer can be difficult, but what was Maria Reynolds thinking when she chose her lover, Alexander Hamilton's arch rival, Aaron Burr to advise her? Didn't turn out too well for Alexander Hamilton either who was later killed by Burr in a duel.

Why this talk about people who lived in the late 18th century? Just saw the new Broadway musical "Hamilton" which is absolutely terrific. It's great whether you like hip hop or not!

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/13/nyregion/actresses-in-hamilton-take-a-trip-to-a-family-home-for-a-history-lesson.html?_r=0
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (294) 8/15/15

Season to Divorce and Mediation

 

Yesterday as I went to check my email, I noticed that on my Comcast homepage "divorce attorneys" was again trending. I started to wonder whether there is a season to divorce. Do many unhappy people in the same week for some reason decide to explore options to end their marriage? I've noticed the trending before and it also reflects itself in calls to our office for mediation. Despite having seen bunching in calls for the over 20 years I've been mediating, I've never been able to identify a consistent pattern. It used to be that on January 2, calls would come in from people who didn't want to disrupt family holidays by calling in November, but in the past few years, I've noticed more calls in March than January. Another bunching occurs in the summer. Is it because children are off to camp and parents can focus on themselves?

 Another question I asked myself when I saw "divorce attorneys" trending was how was this even possible given the huge percentage of people representing themselves in divorce cases. In an article in an American Bar Association journal, the author stated that judges in Arizona in 2005 estimated that over 80% of cases involved one self-represented party. This same trend is occurring all over the country.

 Most of the couples I work with in mediation are self-represented so, with the trend toward self-representation, I wonder how soon it will be before "mediation" is trending

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (293) 7/30/15

Golden Retriever Mediation

I use to love to have our golden retriever, Molly, sit under the table when I mediated. She instantly detected any increase in the level of anger and but more often than not she had a calming effect on the couple. I was excited to see the YouTube video my daughter just sent me of a golden retriever mediating a ball fight. See it at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SM6Es8yX8ak

Too bad I can't use this effective technique but as my partner said after seeing the video, “we need a second part showing how the golden resolves the impasse.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (292) 7/15/15

Pythagorean Divorce

The Pythagorean theorem is a relation in Euclidean geometry among the three sides of a right triangle. It states that the square of the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle) is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

Divorcing couples always say they would like some formula to resolve their divorce but are not always happy when one is applied. Here is one amusing possibility for determining the total worth. 

A divorce settlement is often a right triangle where the couples combined worth is the hypotenuse and the separated worth area the other two sides. Unfortunately there is usually a 30% differential between the two sides and the hypotenuse because it costs more to live separately than together. Pythagorean Divorce formula would be the hypotenuse is 30% more than the sum of the other two sides.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (291) 6/30/15

NON-ADVERSARIAL DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

 

For years mediators in Connecticut have advocated non-adversarial dissolution of marriage. I was pleased to learn that the Connecticut General Assembly recently passed Senate Bill 1029 which according to the Office of Legislative Research bill analysis:

“creates a new expedited court process that allows a judge to enter a divorce decree without a hearing for certain nonadversarial divorce actions. Among other things, it:

1. allows parties to file a joint petition to begin the process if, among other things, at least one party is a Connecticut resident, the marriage duration is no more than eight years, the parties have no children or real property, and the total combined net fair market value of all property owned by either party is less than $35,000;

2. requires the joint petition be accompanied by certain documents, including financial affidavits and waiver of any right to a trial, alimony, spousal support, or an appeal;

3. allows a settlement agreement to be incorporated in the divorce decree if the court finds it to be fair and equitable;

The bill also allows parties to a divorce or legal separation action that are on the Superior Court's regular family docket to waive existing law's waiting periods for such actions if the parties have an agreement, make certain attestations, and request such waiver.”

It is a good start and in particular I like the idea of joint petition so there does not have to be a plaintiff and defendant. This should extend to all divorces. I have mixed feelings about waiving the 90 days waiting. Often the couple needs some time for the dust to settle. Making the decision joint may avoid problems.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (290) 6/15/15