Pythagorean Divorce

The Pythagorean theorem is a relation in Euclidean geometry among the three sides of a right triangle. It states that the square of the hypotenuse (the side opposite the right angle) is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides.

Divorcing couples always say they would like some formula to resolve their divorce but are not always happy when one is applied. Here is one amusing possibility for determining the total worth. 

A divorce settlement is often a right triangle where the couples combined worth is the hypotenuse and the separated worth area the other two sides. Unfortunately there is usually a 30% differential between the two sides and the hypotenuse because it costs more to live separately than together. Pythagorean Divorce formula would be the hypotenuse is 30% more than the sum of the other two sides.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (291) 6/30/15

NON-ADVERSARIAL DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

 

For years mediators in Connecticut have advocated non-adversarial dissolution of marriage. I was pleased to learn that the Connecticut General Assembly recently passed Senate Bill 1029 which according to the Office of Legislative Research bill analysis:

“creates a new expedited court process that allows a judge to enter a divorce decree without a hearing for certain nonadversarial divorce actions. Among other things, it:

1. allows parties to file a joint petition to begin the process if, among other things, at least one party is a Connecticut resident, the marriage duration is no more than eight years, the parties have no children or real property, and the total combined net fair market value of all property owned by either party is less than $35,000;

2. requires the joint petition be accompanied by certain documents, including financial affidavits and waiver of any right to a trial, alimony, spousal support, or an appeal;

3. allows a settlement agreement to be incorporated in the divorce decree if the court finds it to be fair and equitable;

The bill also allows parties to a divorce or legal separation action that are on the Superior Court's regular family docket to waive existing law's waiting periods for such actions if the parties have an agreement, make certain attestations, and request such waiver.”

It is a good start and in particular I like the idea of joint petition so there does not have to be a plaintiff and defendant. This should extend to all divorces. I have mixed feelings about waiving the 90 days waiting. Often the couple needs some time for the dust to settle. Making the decision joint may avoid problems.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (290) 6/15/15

Mediation Dictionary

 

Surfing the Web I came across the Mediation Dictionary by Nancy Peterson, M. Med. Link at http://www.mediationdictionary.com/pdf/mediationdictionary.pdf It is a wonderful compilation of mediation terms and I highly recommend it.As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (289) 6/1/15

Mediation and Latin

 

Years ago, boys and girls who wanted to be lawyers were told it would be helpful to take Latin. I took two years of Latin but it did not help too much. However, I do like the Latin phrases like res ispa loquitur – the thing speaks for itself. We don’t even always realize that some words are Latin like prima facie - at first sight. I have discovered some new phrases which apply to mediation. Inadimplenti non est adimplendum – one has not need to respect his obligation if the counter-party has not respected his own. Slove et repete – respect your obligation first, then you can ask for reimbursement.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (288) 5/14/15

Mediation with the Tucson Alphabet

 

 

 

Tucson icons spell Mediation!

Modern Street Car

El Tour de Tucson

Davis-Monthan Air Force Base

I-10

A Mountain

Titan Missile Museum

Indian Arts Festival

Ocotillo

Native Americans

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (287) 5/1/15

Pirkei Avot, Saying of the Fathers, Divorce, and Mediation

I have not been inspired to write a blog for a while but feel the necessity. I thought about how Sun Tzu’s Art of War applies to divorce and mediation but Joe Epstein and Eileen Siskel have already done a wonderful job on that topic. See http://www.mediate.com/articles/epstein1.cfm

I looked at my bookshelf and saw discussed Pirkei Avot or Sayings of the Fathers. It reminded how as a high school student I participated in a study group which discussed Pirkei Avot, a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims of the Rabbis of the Mishnaic period. The pages of the book are browning and delicate but it still has special meaning to me.

So what does Pirkei Avot have to say about divorce? It does not say anything directly but it does say a lot about how people should face life in general and life events like divorce.

One of my favorite’s quotes is the first one. “Be deliberate in judgment…and make a fence around the Torah.” (1:1) The first part means you should be moderate and avoid anger, impatience and stubbornness in dealing with you soon to be ex-spouse. The fence quote is less obvious. It means have cautionary rules which act like a danger signal and prevent you from the wrong thing.

Other quotes are also inspiring. “The more charity, the more peace.” (2:8) and "Meet every person with graciousness." (1:15) If you give your spouse more and treat them right, you will have more peace.
“Judge every person favorably.” (1:6) Too often in a divorce case one spouse demonizes the other spouse. It is often better to start with a clean slate and give the person the benefit of the doubt.
“Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his place.” (2:5) I often ask a client if he or she would like to take the offer he or she made to his or her spouse. It gives them a chance to stand in the other person’s place.
“The more flesh, the more worms. The more possessions, the more worry. The more wives, the more witchcraft. The more maidservants, the more uncouthness. The more servants, the more theft.” (2:8) Too often I have seen a party get all they want in a divorce and be very unhappy.

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself what am I? And if not now, when?” (1:14) This quote by Hillel is probably the best known quote from Sayings of the Fathers. To me it means that a person must balance his or her own self-interest with the interest of others and you should not be indecisive for no reason.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com CDM (286) 4/17/15

 

Where is Your Gas Tank?

 

 

Anyone who has driven a rental car has experienced the frustration of pulling into a gas station and not knowing which side of the car the gas tank is located.  When I recently returned my rental car and expressed the frustration to the attendant, I learned about the gas tank location icon on the fuel gauge.  She pointed out the triangular icon pointing to the side of the car where the gas tank is located.  Why didn’t anyone tell me before! A little thing can make one’s life much simpler.  There is another situation this can help. Many couples each drive their own car when alone but drive only one car when they are together.  Usually one driver drives his or her car when alone and drives the other car when they are together.  If the gas tanks are located on different sides of the cars, confusion and argument can result. I am always in favor of things that reduce potential conflict in relationships. i.e. Two TV remotes (clickers), split movie screen.  What does this have to do with mediation?  Mediation is a gas tank icon.  Mediation can point the way and make life simpler and less frustrating.  As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (285) 5/15/14