Mediation Dictionary

 

Surfing the Web I came across the Mediation Dictionary by Nancy Peterson, M. Med. Link at http://www.mediationdictionary.com/pdf/mediationdictionary.pdf It is a wonderful compilation of mediation terms and I highly recommend it.As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (289) 6/1/15

Mediation and Latin

 

Years ago, boys and girls who wanted to be lawyers were told it would be helpful to take Latin. I took two years of Latin but it did not help too much. However, I do like the Latin phrases like res ispa loquitur – the thing speaks for itself. We don’t even always realize that some words are Latin like prima facie - at first sight. I have discovered some new phrases which apply to mediation. Inadimplenti non est adimplendum – one has not need to respect his obligation if the counter-party has not respected his own. Slove et repete – respect your obligation first, then you can ask for reimbursement.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (288) 5/14/15

Mediation with the Tucson Alphabet

 

 

 

Tucson icons spell Mediation!

Modern Street Car

El Tour de Tucson

Davis-Monthan Air Force Base

I-10

A Mountain

Titan Missile Museum

Indian Arts Festival

Ocotillo

Native Americans

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (287) 5/1/15

Pirkei Avot, Saying of the Fathers, Divorce, and Mediation

I have not been inspired to write a blog for a while but feel the necessity. I thought about how Sun Tzu’s Art of War applies to divorce and mediation but Joe Epstein and Eileen Siskel have already done a wonderful job on that topic. See http://www.mediate.com/articles/epstein1.cfm

I looked at my bookshelf and saw discussed Pirkei Avot or Sayings of the Fathers. It reminded how as a high school student I participated in a study group which discussed Pirkei Avot, a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims of the Rabbis of the Mishnaic period. The pages of the book are browning and delicate but it still has special meaning to me.

So what does Pirkei Avot have to say about divorce? It does not say anything directly but it does say a lot about how people should face life in general and life events like divorce.

One of my favorite’s quotes is the first one. “Be deliberate in judgment…and make a fence around the Torah.” (1:1) The first part means you should be moderate and avoid anger, impatience and stubbornness in dealing with you soon to be ex-spouse. The fence quote is less obvious. It means have cautionary rules which act like a danger signal and prevent you from the wrong thing.

Other quotes are also inspiring. “The more charity, the more peace.” (2:8) and "Meet every person with graciousness." (1:15) If you give your spouse more and treat them right, you will have more peace.
“Judge every person favorably.” (1:6) Too often in a divorce case one spouse demonizes the other spouse. It is often better to start with a clean slate and give the person the benefit of the doubt.
“Do not judge your fellow until you have stood in his place.” (2:5) I often ask a client if he or she would like to take the offer he or she made to his or her spouse. It gives them a chance to stand in the other person’s place.
“The more flesh, the more worms. The more possessions, the more worry. The more wives, the more witchcraft. The more maidservants, the more uncouthness. The more servants, the more theft.” (2:8) Too often I have seen a party get all they want in a divorce and be very unhappy.

“If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself what am I? And if not now, when?” (1:14) This quote by Hillel is probably the best known quote from Sayings of the Fathers. To me it means that a person must balance his or her own self-interest with the interest of others and you should not be indecisive for no reason.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com CDM (286) 4/17/15

 

Where is Your Gas Tank?

 

 

Anyone who has driven a rental car has experienced the frustration of pulling into a gas station and not knowing which side of the car the gas tank is located.  When I recently returned my rental car and expressed the frustration to the attendant, I learned about the gas tank location icon on the fuel gauge.  She pointed out the triangular icon pointing to the side of the car where the gas tank is located.  Why didn’t anyone tell me before! A little thing can make one’s life much simpler.  There is another situation this can help. Many couples each drive their own car when alone but drive only one car when they are together.  Usually one driver drives his or her car when alone and drives the other car when they are together.  If the gas tanks are located on different sides of the cars, confusion and argument can result. I am always in favor of things that reduce potential conflict in relationships. i.e. Two TV remotes (clickers), split movie screen.  What does this have to do with mediation?  Mediation is a gas tank icon.  Mediation can point the way and make life simpler and less frustrating.  As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (285) 5/15/14

Split Movie Theater Can Save Marriages

 

 

Valentine’s Day blog!  I have previously blogged with unusual tips for saving marriages. See Netflix and Marriage on August 19, 2009,  http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2009/08/netflix-and-marriage.html and on April 4, 2008, Two TV Remotes are Better Than One! – Marriage Tips   http://centerfordivorcemediation.blogspot.com/2008/04/two-tv-remotes-are-better-than-one.html  I have an even more unusual idea.  Men and women enjoy different genre of movies.  Chick flick vs. men’s movies (there is not a cute name for these)  Wikipedia say, generally, a chick-flick is a film designed to have an innate appeal to women, typically young women. Some frequent elements of chick-flicks include having a female protagonist, thematic use of the color pink (along with metaphorical allusions of the color), and romance and/or dating based storylines.  Some recent examples are Love Story, An Officer and a Gentleman, Terms of Endearment, Dirty Dancing, Beaches, Working Girl, Steel Magnolias, When Harry Met Sally, and Pretty Woman.  Men’s movies are usually action movies. Rambo, Bourne and Rocky.  Need I say more?  The problem develops when a couple wants to go out to the movies. Chick flick or men’s movie.  How can you compromise?  Take turns?   One person is bound to be unhappy. My solution is simple?  A curtain!  The movie theater seating is divided down the middle with a large curtain.  Chick flick on one side of the curtain and men’s movie on the other.  Couples wanting to each watch a separate move sit on either side of the curtain,  hold hand with a hole in the curtain and each watches their own movie. Together but separate.  For another take on chick flicks see 'Chick Flicks' as Couples Therapy by Tara Parker Pope in the February 11, 2014 New York Times. http://nyti.ms/1ddJmoj

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (284) 2/14/14

 

 

One Way Bridge and Mediation

 

Recently, I was driving on the North Shore of Kauai and crossed a one way bridge.  There is a yield sign on both ends of the bridge.  Cars must take turns crossing the bridge.  Signs say that it is customary for no more than 5   to 7 cars to cross at time.  I was amazed that the system worked.  No anger.  No abuse.  Drivers patiently took their turns yielding.  I wish more people would see conflict resolution as a one way bridge.  Divorce Mediation, more often is a one way bridge with each party taking turns yielding so they can each get divorced and continue life's journey.  This much better than neither side yielding and getting stuck facing each other in the middle of the bridge.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ CDM (283) 2/7/14