The Maltese Divorce

As promised in my December 26, 2011 blog, I am returning to the topic of Divorce in Malta. Malta now allows divorce and the only two countries left that don’t are the Philippines and Vatican City. See article about Philippines in June 17, 2011 New York Times by Carlos H. Conde at http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/18/world/asia/18iht-philippines18.html entitled “Philippines Stands All but Alone in Banning Divorce.”  Wikipedia now says, “Legislation introducing divorce came into effect in October 2011 following the result of a referendum on the subject earlier in the year. It provides for no-fault divorce, with the marriage being dissolved through a Court judgment following the request of one of the parties, provided the couple has lived apart for at least four years out of the previous five and adequate alimony is being paid or is guaranteed. The same law made a number of important changes regarding alimony, notably through extending it to children born of marriage who are still in full-time education or are disabled and through protecting alimony even after the Court pronounces a divorce.”  It is no surprise that Maltese divorce attorneys (not Maltese Falcons) are now advertising on the internet!
The following is from the web site of EMD Advocates at http://www.emd.com.mt/advocates/en-us/family-law.aspx?gclid=CMbd_uPp57ACFQ5rhwodnm1X0w

“By virtue of the recent amendments to the Maltese Civil Code, brought about by Act XIV of 2011, divorce in Malta was introduced as a legal remedy which may now be claimed before the Courts of Malta. Heavily influenced by the ‘Irish model’ of divorce legislation, such amendments, in effect, carry with them a number of underlying legal implications stemming from their strategic placement within what is, essentially, a litigious-based personal separation system. Indeed, by virtue of these amendments, the legislative provisions regulating personal separation and divorce would now appear to be inextricably interlinked, with separation proceedings, possibly, serving as a prelude to the initiation of divorce proceedings in Malta.

Under the new Maltese divorce legislation, an aggrieved spouse may file an application before the Maltese Courts, asking for a judicial pronouncement of divorce if the spouses in question have been legally separated for at least four years or have lived apart for a period of, or periods that amount to, at least four years out of the immediately preceding five years. Alternatively, the spouses may file a joint demand for divorce after having reached a consensual agreement that their marriage is to be dissolved. In these circumstances, the Maltese Court must be satisfied that there exists no reasonable prospect of reconciliation between the spouses and that all of their children are, as a matter of fact, receiving adequate maintenance. The new divorce legislation in Malta also caters for the conversion of separation suits into divorce proceedings, subject to proof relating to satisfaction of the necessary preconditions associated with the pronouncement of divorce. Within this context, mediation proceedings would appear to play a more prominent role in relation to attempts at reconciling spouses who are not already legally separated, or who are not parties to a suit of personal separation, thus, also acting as the appropriate forum for negotiations conducive to the pronouncement of divorce on the basis of an agreement entered into voluntarily by the parties.

In this vein, the intricacies surrounding the regulation of maintenance awards, as well as their possible conditioning of the Maltese divorce proceedings as a whole will, undoubtedly, provide fertile ground for the gradual judicial development of structured principles apt to provide greater consistency and stability. Within this context, specialized legal advice is clearly of the essence in choosing between the carefully-constructed routes now available under Maltese law.

Our legal team enjoys vast experience in dealing with contentious family law matters and, while embracing the challenges brought about by the recent legislative amendments regarding divorce in Malta, looks forward to providing the necessary individual attention essential to the fulfillment of each client’s personal expectations.”

In particular I like when they say,”… mediation proceedings would appear to play a more prominent role in relation to attempts at reconciling spouses who are not already legally separated, or who are not parties to a suit of personal separation, thus, also acting as the appropriate forum for negotiations conducive to the pronouncement of divorce on the basis of an agreement entered into voluntarily by the parties.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (257) 7/1/12

Judith S. Wallerstein

I don’t usually reference obituary’s in our blog but I could not let the passing of Judith S. Wallerstein go without mention. See obituary in New York Times at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/21/health/research/judith-s-wallerstein-psychologist-who-analyzed-divorce-dies-at-90.html?smid=pl-share  Judith S. Wallerstein is must reading for anyone in the divorce field. Her books are all classics.  They are not only informative but thought provoking and challenged all of us to analyze what we think and what we do.  Her works include:

Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce
The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts
Second Chances: Men, Women and Children a Decade After Divorce
Surviving The Breakup: How Children And Parents Cope With Divorce
The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25-Year Landmark Study

As the New York Times said Judith Wallerstein was “an expert on divorce whose analysis ignited a national debate over its effect on children.”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (258) 7/27/12

Make Your Own Wedding Ring

I have always been art and crafts oriented.  I make walking sticks and wine bottle stoppers.  I taught arts and crafts at a day camp.  My wife and I each made each other wedding gifts – a necklace from melon seeds and wine glasses from Michelob bottles.  When I saw an article on make your own wedding rings, I was very interested.  The Web site for New York Wedding Ring is http://www.newyorkweddingring.com/?gclid=CKu8r6vk57ACFWIGRQodT3GC2A

They say on their home page:

“Join us for a romantic and rewarding experience as you make your own wedding rings or engagement ring, by hand, in our fine jewelry studios in New York City and San Francisco.

Our one-on-one professional jewelry classes enable couples to make meaningful custom wedding rings in one day under the guidance of a professional goldsmith. We offer 99% recycled metals: gold, platinum, palladium, and mokume gane.

Most of the wedding and engagement rings pictured on this site were handmade in by clients with no prior metal-arts experience. Wedding rings usually take one session while you can make your own engagement ring in 1-2 day workshops. Browse the links above to learn more about New York Wedding Ring's unique attitude towards custom jewelry”

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (256) 6/24/12

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents – Part 5 – Infidelity

WARNING.  THIS BLOG IS A SURVEY OF WHAT IS REPORTED ON THE INTERNET ON PRESIDENTIAL INFIDELITY.  THE BLOG IS MEANT TO REPORT THIS CONTENT AND IN NO WAY REPRESENTS THAT THE MATERIAL IS CORRECT. WHERE THE MATERIAL IS MORE QUESTIONABLE, I HAVE USED RANDOM LETTERS AND NOT FULL NAMES.Is it part of being President that you need to be loved by everyone?  As researched on the internet, “Human nature has not changed at all since the first man was born—let alone since the first president was elected. Indeed, presidential love affairs are almost as old as the profession itself. Many former presidents had affairs before and during their presidencies. In their day, though, most Americans and the rest of the world did not know about what went on—for various or obvious reasons. Following are some alleged relationships of some of the Presidents.
Jefferson promised his dying wife would not marry but had a relationship with wife’s half sister Sally Hemmings and perhaps Maria Cosway in France.   Jefferson became the first to claim “executive privilege”—a term that has acquired a number of different meanings in the life of the republic. It includes numerous liberties for the president that go beyond the bill of rights including “unique sexual rights

Jackson’s extramarital affair appeared to be a mistake. He married wife Rachel Donelson Robards at 24, not knowing her divorce from first husband Lewis Robards remained unsettled.

Van Buren after the death of his wife in 1818, proposed to Ellen Randolph, a granddaughter of Thomas Jefferson, before she married in 1825. In his memoirs, he refers to her as “a very interesting young lady...and my warm friend.”

Garfield according to one biographer, had a brief affair with a Mrs. X in New York City in 1862. His wife discovered the truth and charged him with yielding to “lawless passion”. He later asked Calhoun to return his love letters and then destroyed them.

As previously blogged, before Cleveland’s presidency, 33-year-old Maria C. Halpin moved to Buffalo where she kept company with various men, including the young Cleveland. In 1874, she gave birth to a son, whom she named Oscar Folsom Cleveland. Cleveland, never sure the child was his, provided financial support but refused to marry her.

Wilson married in 1885 and he and his beloved Wife Ellen had three daughters. While vacationing alone in Bermuda one year, Wilson met and became involved in an extramarital affair with Mrs. X. They continued meeting secretly in various places.

As previously  blogged, Harding for 15 years saw X, wife of a Harding friend. Nan Britton while a teenager in Ohio developed a crush on Harding. In 1919, the year before Harding’s run for President, Britton gave birth to a baby girl. She said it was Harding’s.

Eleanor Roosevelt hired Lucy Page Mercer as her social secretary. She unveiled Mercer and her husband’s affair in 1918. She threatened divorce if he did not end the relationship. He agreed, but, despite his promise, resumed the affair later, and Mercer frequently visited the white house and was with Roosevelt when he died in Warm Springs, Georgia.

Kay Summersby was assigned to drive then General Eisenhower during a visit to London. She had been engaged, but her fiancée had died in combat, after which she became Eisenhower’s personal secretary and military aid.

Correspondence between the two later came to light and soon afterward disappeared. In the letter Eisenhower announced his intention to divorce his wife and marry Summersby. He never divorced his wife, and after the war he never saw Kay Summersby again.

Kennedy is rumored to have had affairs with stripper X, painter Y, mafia wife Judith Campbell Exner and—most famous of them all—actress and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe.  Just recently, White House intern Mimi Alford also disclosed her relationship with Kennedy

One biographer claims that Johnson had a longtime love affair with T. Interestly, she is said to have broken off the relationship because she opposed the Vietnam War.

One of his many sexual partners became pregnant in 1950, prior to him being in the white house. Her name was G and she gave birth to LBJ's son.. Johnson did take care of G and his son financially, both before and after G was born. The illicit affair lasted for 21 years and Johnson set her up in an apartment for their discreet rendezvous.

Clinton:  Monica and many allegedly.  No need to say more.

Interestingly, I  have not been able to find any reference to first lady affairs.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (253) 6/17/12

Divorce Boat

I use to suggest that we do mediation on a cruise and call it Divorce Boat, a variation on the TV show, Love Boat.  My idea was to let be able to let couples focus and be more relaxed.  It would make it easier to resolve the divorce.  A variation was to do it at a spa.  Most people that it was not a great idea and I never pursued it.   Then on May 27, 2012 I read in the New York Times an article about the Divorce Hotel.  See full article at http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/27/business/the-divorce-hotel-a-true-weekend-getaway.html?smid=pl-share  the concept is the same. The rates are high and the difference in state laws is still a problem.   I am curious to see if Divorce Hotel catches on.  Perhaps I will now pursue my idea.  I was impressed that they discussed using mediators but disappointed that no mediators were quoted in the article.   I take issue with the quote of Mr. Cohen, a divorce lawyer, who says,  “the courts are so backed up with cases that people are moving toward mediation and arbitration to end marriages, at least when huge sums of money or child custody are not at stake.” This is a self serving comment made by many divorce attorneys.  We have mediated many cases with multimillion dollar assets and child custody at stake.  It is my experience that mediation actually resolves these cases much better than adversary divorce.  There is no proof to substantiate what Mr. Cohen says.  In fact the study we did shows there is no difference in the financial results of mediated and adversary cases.  See study at http://center-divorce-mediation.com/az_divorce_mediation_study_of_divorce_outcomes1.htm

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (255) 6/10/12

Relationship Agreements

It is unusual for me to read something new about marriage or divorce but what caught my eye in the May 22, 2012 article about the wedding of Mark Zuckerberg to Priscilla Chan was the line that said, “In fact, given that Ms. Chan reportedly asked Mr. Zuckerberg to sign a relationship agreement before she moved to California several years ago to be with him — outlining issues like how much time they should spend together” See full article at  http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/22/technology/zuckerbergs-property-status-post-marriage.html?smid=pl-share  Perhaps, more later about all the community property issues.  But back to relationship agreements.  I had never heard of them.  I Googled.  It was popularized by the TV Show, “Big Bang Theory.  It was the agreement  Sheldon drew up after he and Amy became boyfriend and girlfriend. I can’t find the origin. More about the agreement or contract at http://relationshipcontract.net/RelationshipContract.html where they  say  “the purpose of this contract is to provide an alternative for couples who want to make a commitment to each other that is more than the choice of living together and not as final as marriage with an ‘Until death do us part’ promise. The two most important and unique ingredients of this agreement are the semi-annual question and answer session and the choice of a specific time frame for partners to agree to be together. You can enter into this agreement as a test prior to a marriage decision, or choose this alternative to commit to a partner for a specific time frame. Couples that are already married are encouraged to use this agreement’s key ingredients to further develop their relationship. This agreement is a tool to communicate, as well as a symbol of your commitment.”

It is similar to the agreement we do when we do Marital Mediation and it in many ways it is like the Jewish Ketubah.  It is also a natural extension of premarital counseling which I am a strong advocate of.  It is also similar to the contract we prepare when we do when we do Marital Mediation. 

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (253) 6/3/12

Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents - Part 4 - Divorce

Divorce is a recognized handicap in politics. Until Ronald Regan was elected President in 1980 no candidate who had been divorced was elected President. Ironically, he also signed California’s first no fault divorce law while governor. The stigma of divorce is not what is once was. The first Presidential elections I remember is Eisenhower and Stevenson in 1952. The fact that Stevenson had been divorced made his nomination for president on the democratic ticket initially doubtful in 1952. Even though damage to Stevenson's political standing was lessened by the fact that he had not remarried, polls indicated that his divorced status would cost him votes. Stevenson had a problem because he was divorced but running against the very popular World War II hero did not help either. More recently, Republicans have nominated divorced men in Bob Dole and John McCain. In four of the last eight presidential elections, the Republicans have nominated a divorced man. Neither won. Neither Bob Dole or Ronald Reagan’s divorces were tied to infidelity. And John McCain’s first wife, Carol refused to speak out. It looks like Romney will be the Republican nominee. It would have been interesting to hear more what Gingrich first wife has had to say. The six leading contenders for the 2008 Republican Nomination (McCain, Romney, Huckabee, Paul, Thompson, and Giuliani had been married a total of ten times. John Kerry is the only recent Democratic nominee to be divorced and remarried. In 2008, Chris Dodd had done so, and Dennis Kucinick, for whatever it's worth, was on wife number three. In 2004 Kerry, Kucinich, and Lieberman were divorce. Lieberman may be the only candidate to ever get a “get” (Jewish divorce). Ted Kennedy ran against Carter in 1980. In early 1978, he and his wife, Joan, separated. The couple remained together announcing plans to divorce in 1981; the divorce was finalized in 1982. Franklin D. Roosevelt had an affair with Lucy Mercer and contemplated a divorce from Eleanor but whether true or not it was said that his mother would not let him get divorced because she felt that it would keep him from being President. This seems to be a common thread because it has also been said the Roosevelt was born at Campobello in Canada but his mother said it was in the United States for the same reason. Who cannot forget that divorce and remarriage to a divorcee toppled Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller from the position of front-runner for the 1964 Republican Presidential nomination.

It does not seem to be as much as a problem for first ladies. Rachel Jackson was divorce and will be the subject of a future blog. So was Florence “Flossie” King DeWolfe, a divorcee with one son, who married Warren Harding, five years her junior in 1891 and Elizabeth Ann Bloomer who divorced her first husband, William Warren, in 1947 and married Gerald Ford a year later.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (252 5/27/12)