An April 2013 piece in the New York Times Opinionator by
Stanley Fish titled “Marrying Out of the Faith” caught my eye. See full article at http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/01/marrying-out-of-the-faith/?smid=pl-share He discusses his own experiences and Naomi Schaefer
Riley’s new book, “Til Faith Do Us Part:
How Interfaith Marriage is Transforming America.” I realized that we have done divorce
mediation for close to 30 years and I can’t remember one case that a divorce
was caused by an interfaith marriage. Even though it has not come up directly, it
may aggravate the situation. Also, I
have found that religion is often more an emotional than a spiritual issue. Many people who are not religious seem to
become more so when they get married. This is not to say the issue of religion did
not come up. Ironically, the issue
usually comes up in a positive way. In
determining a parenting plan for holidays, it was easier. If it was a Jewish and Christian marriage,
there was no fight over who parented the children on Christmas, Chanukah,
Easter, Passover, Yom Kippur, and other religious holidays. We once were special masters in case where the
Jewish Father suggested parenting his children on the Jewish Holiday but when
the Mother agreed he argued against his original suggestion. I have some funny anecdotal stories on this
issue. In college a girl refused to date
me because she thought I was not Jewish but never asked if I was. I am.
I knew good friends of ours were an interfaith couple. When I met them, I thought the Husband was
Jewish and the wife was Christian. It
turned out that it was the other way around.
I am not a big fan of conversion for the sake of marriage. If there is a conversion it should be because
the person believes. One may be able to
convert but I don’t think one can convert the emotional and cultural
experiences of a child. I have seen many conversions. Often I have been surprised that the person
was not born Jewish. Others seems like
it was purely cosmetic. Often the
person who converted is more religious than their spouse. I
found his discussions of inter political marriages also very interesting. He indicates that people worry more about an
inter political marriage than an inter faith marriage. I have noticed that most couples agree
politically. I think it is more an unconscious
compatibility issue.
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