Divorce, Marriage, and the Presidents Part 1

Very often my varied interests and activities overlap. This time the overlap was divorce and the Presidents.   I recently was thinking how Newt Gingrich’s divorces did not prevent him from running, the issue made over Adlai Stevenson’s divorce, that Reagan’s divorce put the issue to rest.  It got me thinking of doing a DTV show on Divorce Marriage and the Presidents.  I thought if I was doing the research for that I might as well do a blog too.  I thought of possible guests – Doris Kearns Goodwin was  a little of reach for me, Jim Nintzel and Andrea Kelly from Arizona Media were too busy and Jeff Spiers of American Political Biography and a source for many of my Presidential biographies did not want to be a guest let alone use Skype.  Then I realized I was a good guest and asked Vicki Evans, my friend at Access Tucson to interview me.  It turns out the Vicki is very knowledgeable about Presidents and it should be a great show.  If I was doing a Divorce TV show, I should also do a blog and so here I am blogging.   It has been very interesting researching the topic.  I realized it would be too long for one blog so this will me multiple blogs focus on one or more Presidents.  This is as much the story of the First Ladies as the President.  The wife’s role has evolved as the role of women in society has changes.   Attitude toward divorce has changed.  Many couples including Presidents stayed in unhappy marriages. Many Presidents were widowers and remarried.  The stigma of a divorced candidate changed with Ronald Reagan as a Catholic candidate changed with Kennedy.       It really has not been a significant issue with Newt Gingrich but he has other problems.  I had forgotten until I started my research that Presidential candidates Bob Dole and John Kerry were divorced.  Another question which creeps in is the sexual orientation of Presidents.  This was the case with Lincoln and with the first President I will discuss – James Buchanan.

Buchanan was the only President who remained a bachelor his entire term.  Grover Cleveland was a bachelor when elected but married in office.   Buchanan was our 15^th President and served before Lincoln.  As a quick aside Buchanan was also alleged to have eyes of different colors.  I turned to Philip Shriver Klein’s definitive biography of Buchanan.  It turns out that attorney Buchanan was actually engaged to Ann Coleman, the daughter of a very wealthy Father who was one of America’s first millionaires.  Buchanan was more concerned with business than Ann and she was afraid he was only marrying her for her money.  Buchanan was away on business and when he returned he visited Mrs. William Jenkins and her pretty and charming sister, Miss Grace Hubley.  Ann was indignant that Buchanan should visit anyone and especially a women before seeing her and released Buchanan from the engagement. Ann went to Philadelphia where she suddenly died.  Buchanan was looked upon as a murderer.  An article in the May 19, 1901 New York Times elaborates.  It says, “Throughout the rest of his life Buchanan is not known to reveal to anybody the circumstances of this romantic tragedy.  He would only say that it had changed his hopes and plans, and had led him more deeply than ever into politics as a distraction from his grief.”  Being a bachelor did not hurt Buchanan from getting elected but he was helped more by being Ambassador to England and was not caught up in the crossfire of sectional politics that dominated the country.  He was also the last of the so called “doughface” Presidents who in the years leading up to the Civil War were Northerners who favored the Southern position in political disputes.  No unmarried candidate has run since Stevenson.  I am not sure if it would make a difference.  Time will tell.              

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com  WM (249) 3/25/12

If Divorce Was a Martial Art What Would It Be?

There are 100’s if not 1000’s of types of martial arts. Divorce is often seen as combat.  After recently reading about martial arts, I wondered if different  divorce processes were  martial arts, what would they be?   I will only discuss the martial arts that are most popular in American  culture – judo, jutizu, tae kawando, karate, and kung fu.  I don’t totally rely on Wikepedia but it is often a good place to start and to get a summary.  Wikepedia  says: 

JUDO (meaning "gentle way") is a modern martial art, combat sport and Olympic sport created in Japan in 1882. Its most prominent feature is its competitive element, where the object is to either throw or takedown one's opponent to the ground, immobilize or otherwise subdue one's opponent with a grappling maneuver, or force an opponent to submit by joint locking or by executing a strangle hold or choke.

KARATE  is a martial art developed in Okinawa, Japan. It was developed partially from indigenous fighting methods called te (literally "hand") and from Chinese kenpō. Karate is a striking art using punching, kicking, knee and elbow strikes, and open-handed techniques such as knife-hands. Grappling, locks, restraints, throws, and vital point strikes are taught in some styles.

JUJUTSU is a Japanese martial art and a method of close combat for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon, or only a short weapon.  In some countries the word jujutsu is spelt in English as jujitsu, ju-jitsu, or Japanese jiu-jitsu. "Jū" can be translated to mean "gentle, supple, flexible, pliable, or yielding." "Jutsu" can be translated to mean "art" or "technique" and represents manipulating the opponent's force against himself rather than confronting it with one's own force.  Jujutsu developed among the samurai of feudal Japan as a method for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon, or only a short weapon.  Because striking against an armored opponent proved ineffective, practitioners learned that the most efficient methods for neutralizing an enemy took the form of pins, joint locks, and throws. These techniques were developed around the principle of using an attacker's energy against him, rather than directly opposing it.

TAEKWONDO  is a Korean martial art. In Korean, tae  means "to strike or break with foot"; kwon  means "to strike or break with fist"; and do  means "way", "method", or "path". Thus, taekwondo may be loosely translated as "the way of the hand and the foot." It combines combat techniques, self-defense, sport, exercise, and in some cases meditation and philosophy. The art in general emphasizes kicks thrown from a mobile stance, employing the leg's greater reach and power (compared to the arm). Taekwondo training generally includes a system of blocks, kicks, punches, and open-handed strikes and may also include various take-downs or sweeps, throws, and joint locks. Some taekwondo instructors also incorporate the use of pressure points, known as jiapsul, as well as grabbing self-defense techniques borrowed from other martial arts, such as hapkido and judo.

KUNG FU, gongfu, or gung fu  is a Chinese term referring to any study, learning, or practice that requires patience, energy, and time to complete, often used in the West to refer to Chinese martial arts. In its original meaning, kung fu can refer to any skill achieved through hard work and practice, not necessarily martial. Originally, to practice kung fu did not just mean to practice Chinese martial arts. Instead, it referred to the process of one's training - the strengthening of the body and the mind, the learning and the perfection of one's skills - rather than to what was being trained. It refers to excellence achieved through long practice in any endeavor.  In the colloquial, you can say that a person's kung fu is good in cooking, or that someone has kung fu in calligraphy; saying that a person possesses kung fu in an area implies skill in that area, which they have worked hard to develop. Someone with "bad kung fu" simply has not put enough time and effort into training, or seems to lack the motivation to do so.

Let me try to summarize the philosophy of each.

JUDO (meaning "gentle way") is a modern martial art, combat sport and Olympic sport created in Japan in 1882. Its most prominent feature is its competitive element, where the object is to either throw or takedown one's opponent to the ground, immobilize or otherwise subdue one's opponent with a grappling maneuver, or force an opponent to submit by joint locking or by executing a strangle hold or choke.

KARATE  is a martial art developed in Okinawa, Japan. It was developed partially from indigenous fighting methods called te (literally "hand") and from Chinese kenpō. Karate is a striking art using punching, kicking, knee and elbow strikes, and open-handed techniques such as knife-hands. Grappling, locks, restraints, throws, and vital point strikes are taught in some styles.

JUJUTSU is a Japanese martial art and a method of close combat for defeating an armed and armored opponent in which one uses no weapon, or only a short weapon.  These techniques were developed around the principle of using an attacker's energy against him, rather than directly opposing it.

TAEKWONDO  is a Korean martial art and the national sport of South Korea. In Korean, tae  means "to strike or break with foot"; kwon  means "to strike or break with fist"; and do  means "way", "method", or "path". Thus, taekwondo may be loosely translated as "the way of the hand and the foot." It combines combat techniques, self-defense, sport, exercise, and in some cases meditation and philosophy.

KUNG FU, gongfu, or gung fu  is a Chinese term referring to any study, learning, or practice that requires patience, energy, and time to complete, often used in the West to refer to Chinese martial arts. In its original meaning, kung fu can refer to any skill achieved through hard work and practice, not necessarily martial. In Chinese, Gōngfu is a compound of two words, combining (gōng) meaning "work", "achievement", or "merit", and  which translates into "man", so that a literal rendering would be "achievement of man". Its connotation is that of an accomplishment arrived at by great effort of time and energy. In Mandarin, when two "first tone" words such as gōng and fū are combined, the second word often takes a neutral tone, in this case forming gōngfu. Originally, to practice kung fu did not just mean to practice Chinese martial arts. Instead, it referred to the process of one's training - the strengthening of the body and the mind, the learning and the perfection of one's skills - rather than to what was being trained. It refers to excellence achieved through long practice in any endeavor.  This meaning can be traced to classical writings and specially to Neo-Confucianism which emphasize the importance of effort in education.

Now back to my original question. If Divorce Was a Martial Art What Would It Be? It may be more of a range than a specific divorce process.

  JUDO is the  "gentle way" but is competitive element, where the object is to either throw or takedown one's opponent to the ground, immobilize or otherwise subdue one's opponent with a grappling maneuver, or force an opponent to submit by joint locking or by executing a strangle hold or choke.  This is clearly an adversary process but perhaps with more subtle force?

KARATE to me is not gentle and my vision is always of someone breaking something.  Not unlike a spouse throwing a lamp at the other spouse. Definitely very adversary.

JUJUTSU developed around the principle of using an attacker's energy against him, rather than directly opposing it. It is the martial art that made me start thinking about divorce.  Perhaps mediation.

TAEKWONDO combines combat techniques, self-defense, sport, exercise, and in some cases meditation and philosophy. Meditation and mediation are always confused in the Yellow Pages. 

KUNG FU refers to any study, learning, or practice that requires patience, energy, and time to complete. In its original meaning, kung fu can refer to any skill achieved through hard work and practice, not necessarily martial. Its connotation is that of an accomplishment arrived at by great effort of time and energy. Originally, to practice kung fu did not just mean to practice Chinese martial arts. Instead, it referred to the process of one's training - the strengthening of the body and the mind, the learning and the perfection of one's skills - rather than to what was being trained. It refers to excellence achieved through long practice in any endeavor.  Once again, I think mediation comes the closest.

It would appear if divorce was a martial art it would be mediation. 

This was not the conclusion I expected but the emphasis on meditation, philosophy, and self awareness makes it more akin to mediation.  Perhaps the Zen of Mediation where Zen (once again per Wikepedia) emphasizes the personal expression of experiential wisdom in the attainment of enlightenment and de-emphasizes adherence to standardized theoretical knowledge in favor of direct self-realization through meditation.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(248) 3/16/12