New Center for Divorce Mediation Web Site

We were one of the earlier mediators to have a web site at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ and have progressed from one that was very primitive to a more sophisticated site. It could be even more sophisticated but we don’t want to change from the old FrontPage software. We recently upgraded our web site and are using more pictures and better content. Picture above is one of our new pictures. We hope it will be more user friendly and helpful. We have also caught some dated material and some typos. We hope you like it. Let us know. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(221) 5/28/10

Charlie Chan and Mediation

As a young child and in the earlier days of television, I watched portions of many Charlie Chan movies. I always like the repartee between Charlie Chan and his number one son. One of them went like this: Number one son: You're lucky to have your assistant on hand, Pop. Charlie Chan: Assistant? That you? Number one son: Sure! Charlie Chan: Your assistance as welcome as water in sinking ship! Number one son: But you've always said that two men can find a clue quicker than one. Charlie Chan: [he looks from side to side] Where is other man? Do not see other man! When I read the review of Yunte Huang’s book about Charlie Chan, I had to read it. It is a wonderful book and one my favorite parts of the book is the list of Charlie Chanisms in appendix I. Some of these include: Every maybe has a wife called Maybe-Not. Guessing is cheap, but wrong guess expensive. Advice after mistake is like medicine after dead man’s funeral. Biggest mistakes in history made by people who didn’t think. Caution very good life insurance. Door of opportunity swing both ways. A fool and his money never become old acquaintances. Mind, like parachute, only function when open. Race not always won by man who start first. Talk cannot cook rice. Too late to dig well when honorable house is on fire. Truth, like football – receive many kicks before reaching goal. When money talk, fee are deaf. When searching for needle in haystack, haystack only sensible location. The wise elephant does not seek to ape the butterfly. When mediating, I often use aphorisms and humor to make a point. I have added some of these to my list! As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(220) 5/21/11

Interaction Models and Mediation

Finally read the October 11, 2010 New Yorker magazine. I liked the comment by Nora Ephron in her article about wills where she says, “”When you get divorced, and don’t get the house (like I did), you leave behind all sorts of things you don’t have the sense to know you’ll someday wonder about or feel genuinely nostalgic for.” I went on to read Talent Grab by Malcolm Gladwell where he asks and answers the question, why do we pay our stars so much money? See site to entire article at http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2010/10/11/101011fa_fact_gladwell In the article he quotes Aya Chacar and William Hesterly article in the Managerial and Decision Economic which draws on the work of Alan Page Fiske. They say that, “Fiske is a U.C.L.A. anthropologist who argues that people use one of four models to guide the way they interact with one another: communal sharing, equity matching, market pricing, and authority ranking. Communal sharing is a group of roommates in house who are free to read one another’s books and wear one another’s clothing. Equality matching is a car pool: if I drive your child to school today, you drive my child to school tomorrow. Market pricing is where the terms of exchange are open to negotiations, or subject to the laws of supply and demand. And authority ranking is paternalism: it is a hierarchical system in which “superiors appropriate or pre-empt what they wish.” We see the same interaction in mediation. Being able to identify and understand these interactions makes it easier to deal with them in mediation. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM(219) 5/14/11

Purple Cow and Mediation

Just finished reading the “Purple Cow” by Seth Godin. The book was recommended to me by my good friend and fellow mediator, Rita Pollak. I read it primarily to determine whether I should be doing anything else to make our mediation practice better known. Godin’s concept is transform your business by being remarkable. At the end of the book he gives some slogans which summarize his approach. They include, “Don’t Be Boring”, “Safe is Risky”, “Design New Rules”, and “Very Good is Bad”. The book made me evaluate what I am doing and think outside the box. It made me want to try to experiment with group divorce mediation. As is often the case, it also made me think if the concept also applied to marriage and divorce. When I am mediating I always encourage my clients to be creative, think outside the box, and not to see things as black and white but at least shade of gray if not the colors of the rainbow. I also encourage my clients to be generous and to look for the peace dividend. I can now also tell my clients to also try being remarkable. As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (218) 5/7/11