Divorce Facts and Annie Hall

In mediation, people often see the same facts differently. I like using references to movies to give people a new perspective. To show how people can use the same facts and draw a different conclusion I refer to a scene in the 1977 Woody Allen movie, Annie Hall. You can see the clip on Youtube at http://youtu.be/GFz2csc9qew It goes like this:

[Alvy (Woody Allen) and Annie (Diane Keaton) are seeing their therapists at the same time on a split screen]
Alvy Singer's Therapist: How often do you sleep together?
Annie Hall's Therapist: Do you have sex often?
Alvy Singer: [lamenting] Hardly ever. Maybe three times a week.
Annie Hall: [annoyed] Constantly. I'd say three times a week.
Alvy is “Hardly” and Annie is “Constantly.”

Same facts different conclusion. The reference to the movie may not convince people but it usually helps the parties get by the impasse.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com/ WM (201) 1/6/11

Divorce and Marriage Acronyms

An acronym is an abbreviation that is formed using the initial components in a phrase or name. These components may be individual letters or parts of words. There are many acronyms used in divorce and marriage. Some of the major one are the following:
QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order) It is a domestic relations order that creates or recognizes the existence of an alternate payee's right to receive, or assigns to an alternate payee the right to receive, all or a portion of the benefits payable with respect to a participant under a retirement plan, and that includes certain information and meets certain other requirements.
COBRA (Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act) It gives workers and their families who lose their health benefits the right to choose to continue group health benefits provided by their group health plan for limited periods of time under certain circumstances such as voluntary or involuntary job loss, reduction in the hours worked, transition between jobs, death, divorce, and other life events. Qualified individuals may be required to pay the entire premium for coverage up to 102 percent of the cost to the plan.

QMCSO (Qualified Medical Child Support Order) It is a court order used to enforce an order for a health plan participant to provide child support health benefits. It requires a health plan to include a child as covered under a health plan, even if the child(ren) or the participant do not meet the conditions of the health plan. A QMSCO is typically used to gain coverage for a child under a non-custodial parent's group health plan. It is normally obtained by a divorced or separated spouse or by a state child support or Medicaid agency. The order authorizes withholding the participant's share of the cost for coverage from their pay. They may not drop coverage for the child without proof that the QMSCO is no longer in effect

DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) It is a law that that states that no state (or other political subdivision within the United States) needs to treat as a marriage a same-sex relationship considered a marriage in another state and the federal government defines marriage as a legal union between one man and one woman.
These are some other acronyms:

BIC = Best Interests of the Child
BIL = Brother In Law
BF = Biological Father
BM = Biological MotherCD = Consent Decree
CO = Court Order
COC = Change Of Custody
CP = Custodial Parent
CPS = Child Protective Services
CS = Child Support
CSE = Child Support Enforcement
FERPA = Family Educational Rights & Privacy Act
FIL = Father In Law
FOR = Father Of Record
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem
GP = Grand Parents
HOH = Head Of Household
FIL = Father In Law
MIL = Mother In Law
MOU = Memorandum of Understanding
MSA = Marital Settlement Agreement
MSOL = Marital Standard Of Living
NCP = Non Custodial Parent
OM = Other Man
OW = Other Woman
OSD/OSS = Oldest Step Daughter/Oldest Step Son
PAS = Parental Alienation Syndrome
PKPA = Parental Kidnapping Prevention Act
QDRO = Qualified Domestic Relations Order
RO = Restraining Order
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SC = Step Child or Children
SF = Step Father
SM = Step Mother
SD = Step Daughter
SIL = Sister In Law
SKIDS = Step Kids
SS = Step Son
STBX = Soon To Be Ex
SO = Significant Other
SIL = Sister In Law
TRO = Temporary Restraining Order
UIFSA = Uniform Interstate Family Support Act
UCCJA = Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (203) 1/20/11

twitter

I am surprised that I have not done a blog about twitter and my tweets. Our twitter page is http://twitter.com/CTRDivMediation Our blog and twitter pages compliment each other. Each refers to the other. It can be a challenge to do a tweet with only 140 characters but it can also be a challenge to write a longer blog. Sometimes I do the same topic on both. Tweets are more immediate and blogs more in depth. It is fun to do each. You should read both. I hope they impart some wisdom, fun, and help.
As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (202) 1/13/11

Ketubahs, Divorce, and Marriage

We have often joked how I was surprised the day I got married when the Rabbi, who happened to be my brother in law, asked me if I would agree to divorce my Wife. I guess I should have taken my own advice and read the papers, in this case the Ketubah (Jewish marriage contract), in advance. Not that I would not have signed it. I would have also liked one suitable for framing as I like the blending of Jewish ritual and art. It has taken me 37 years but I finally got around to reading it again. The Ketubah has 22 lines of which 7 deal with divorce. It says, “And both together agreed that if this marriage shall ever be dissolved under civil laws, then either Husband or Wife may invoke the authority of the Beth Din of the Rabbical Assembly and the Jewish Theological Seminary of America or it duly authorized representatives, to decide what action by either spouse is then appropriate under Jewish matrimonial law; and if either spouse shall fail to honor the demand of the other or to carry out the decision of the Beth Din or its representatives then the other spouse may invoke any and all remedies available in civil law and equity to enforce compliance with the Beth Din’s decisions and this solemn obligation.” This is the famous “Lieberman Clause” named after Saul Lieberman, a professor at the Jewish Theological Seminary. The “Lieberman Clause” is necessary because only Jewish men can agree to a religious divorce (known as a Get). In order to avoid men using granting the divorce as a weapon in a civil divorce, the Husband agrees in advance to a Jewish Divorce. See my blogs on Religious Marriage and Divorce on March 10, 2008 and LA Law and Divorce on June 26, 2010. The rest of our Ketubah deals with declarations of how we will behave in the marriage. I found it very sexist. It is based on the Torah. The only common declaration is that we will love each other. My Wife must fulfill all the duties incumbent upon a Jewish Wife. I must protect and support her. Fortunately, the content of Ketubahs have greatly changed since we were married. If you Google Ketubah, you will find a great deal of interesting material. Our marriage license was mysteriously filed two years late but that is another story. However, before the license was filed late, we needed proof of marriage to change a passport name and our Ketubah was filed instead. It may be the only Ketubah on file in Connecticut.

As always, you can post any comment about this blog or Divorce Mediation, or just Mediation by following the directions at the right in the green column or at the bottom of this website. Learn more about mediation at http://www.center-divorce-mediation.com WM (204) 1/27/11